20 January 2009

Depressed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed, tired, instead of being HERE, facing what is actually HERE NOW.

What is actually here and now this moment - me here sitting on the coach with my laptop, typing.

I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drift off in this feeling of depression because I don't know how to handle stuff. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a feeling of being depressed and acting it out, instead of being here, not of and in the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to create 'I do not know how to handle this stuff' and acting and feeling accordingly, instead of being here and just let things be what they are, nothing more, nothing less. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the need to 'handle this stuff' out of fear of what might happen when I do not 'handle this stuff' - instead of me being here, realizing 'stuff will handle' itself without me wanting/needing to control the outcome out of fear of the outcome. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the outcome - instead of me being here, realizing 'the outcome' is not here but in the future, so no business of mine NOW and HERE.

I am here. Sitting on the coach, typing sf on the laptop.

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