Structural Resonance: Part Four (Phase 2)– by Veno

This document is an expansion / specification of Part Four Phase 1 – therefore, you will find some sections repeated.

Within PART FOUR we will ‘cover’ self forgiveness and self application which all in all entails self support, self assistance, self direction, self reliance for self trust and self expression in absolute self honesty.

The keys:

1. Self honesty expressed in every moment within and as self corrective application.
2. Self forgiveness in self honesty to be voiced aloud
3. 4 Count breathing / breaths to be proved to self for 21 Days


The trinity of application to self freedom.

We will again start with the 1.) FORHEAD POINT and work our way through the entire manifestation of the mind consciousness structural resonance system within and as human beings as what you have accepted and allowed yourself to be and become. And so work our way through all the ‘points’ which ‘connect’ to form the mind consciousness structural resonance system.

Understand that within the PART TWO section, I have given but an overview of the design and manifestation of the mind consciousness structural resonance system within and as you. Within the PART FOUR section – we will be going into the points of the mind consciousness structural resonance system discussed in PART TWO, much more specifically. Specifically from the perspective of how each point relate to you within and as you – ‘personally’ with regards to how the points of the mind consciousness structural resonance – form ‘you’ within and as you of and as the mind.

As we continue, you will see and understand…

Understand that the PART TWO section (PHASE 1 – PHASE 14) within which I described and explained The Design of the Structural Resonance in the Human Physical Body was how the mind consciousness structural resonance system manifested, created and designed this entire reality / world within which you as the rest of humanity experience yourself within. So that each human being may know and understand that each and every single human being is individually self responsible for the current manifestation and expression of this world.

Yet now – there is a change. The change is the following: Each and every single human being is self responsible - responsible for themselves in stopping their own mind and birthing themselves as life from the physical.

And let me make this clear: You will decide whether you make it, do it and will it here or in the hereafter.

Here in this PART FOUR section – you are on your own – you who read this here – this is your individual process for which you are self responsible for you, and thus determine your own experience within and as your individual process – I am standing within and as you as you read these words – for the first time in your existence – self commit and self dedicate you to yourself. Stop the mind and birth yourself as life from the physical. Surely, certainly that is not too much to ask of yourself.

On that note: Let’s begin…

Here follows the beginning of your self application through self forgiveness of each and every ‘point’ that ‘connect’ to form the mind consciousness structural resonance system within and as you as that, which you have for eons of time, accepted and allowed yourself to be and become. Understand that this entire document from PART ONE to PART FOUR is but a PART as a self support and self assistance foundation. Desteni in its entirety is the puzzle – as you – you have to ‘complete’ yourself.

You want to ‘change’ the world, make the world a ‘better’ place – IMPOSSIBLE. We’re here to STOP everything so nothing of what was, will ever exist again – and this is done through stopping your mind entirely and completely. Understand that this IS inevitable and will be done as it is done already.

Why it is impossible to change the world? I suggest reading this document by Osho within which he explains why changing the world will not last:

Be prepared – as you walk, as you, through self forgiveness and self application with absolute self commitment and self dedication you will find that you will give up NOTHING for EVERYTHING. So be prepared to drop, let go, release and lose everything you have ever known, everything you have ever trusted, everything you have ever believed, everything you have ever treasured, everything you have ever loved – you will find that all that you have ever been: Has been a lie.

As you assist and support you within and as your individual process, you have to specify the self forgiveness and self corrective application within and as self honesty, specifically related to you and your world according to the points revealed within and as these documents of the Mind Consciousness Structural Resonance System. Therefore, the self forgiveness and self corrective application support and assistance is a foundation from which to stand and assist and support you specifically within and as your individual experience and expression of your process.

So, within each point I will give perspective and explain how the point relate to you ‘personally’ within and as you, and how you’re able to practically assist and support you within self forgiveness and self corrective application. Herein you live self forgiveness together with practical self corrective application - as self forgiveness is useless without living the ‘correction’ practically here of that which you have applied self forgiveness for and of.
Then, within each point, I will place the self forgiveness list pertaining to unconscious and subconscious mind self forgiveness statements to assist and support you in releasing the foundation only, of the unconscious and subconscious mind constructs related to the specific points of the mind consciousness structural resonance system. I’d suggest to unconditionally assist and support you – to read the self forgiveness statements out loud, and if any reactions of mind come up within you – to apply self forgiveness for the reactions experienced, until you read the words and no reaction or movement of mind is experienced within and as you.

Therefore, each point of the mind consciousness structural resonance system within the PART FOUR section will consist of two sections:

A. The self forgiveness and self corrective applications specific to the point
B. The self forgiveness statements of the foundation layout and manifestation of the unconscious and subconscious mind specific to the point


Self Forgiveness and Self Application for the De-construction of the Structural Resonance to stand as Self as Life as all as One as Equal:


BODY: FRONT

1.) FOREHEAD point and 2.) EYE points:

A. Self forgiveness and Self corrective application:

The FOREHEAD point and the EYE points ‘interlink’ within and as each other, because it is through the EYE points that you’ve developed the FOREHEAD point of the mind consciousness structural resonance system within and as you.

The FOREHEAD point is ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ within and as you and the EYE points is ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of this world and through the eyes of other human beings’.

And the primary foundation of ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ (FOREHEAD point) is designed and manifested and constructed through comparison and judgment according to and through ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of the world and through the eyes of other human beings’ (EYE points).

Here are examples of ‘how you’ve designed and constructed and manifested’ how you see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system (FOREHEAD point) as how and what you define and experience you to be, through judgment and comparison of ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of this world and through the eyes of human beings’ (EYE points):

‘How you see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ example:

I’m not good enough

Now, how you’ve designed and constructed such a judgment towards yourself within ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ is because of a comparison ‘through how you see yourself through the eyes of the world and through the eyes of other human beings’:

This is how it works:
The ‘I’m not good enough’ seeing yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system viewpoint of self, towards self, within self exist: Because you’ve compared yourself towards someone else who you’ve perceived within yourself is ‘better than you’ within a certain specific point/aspect, as for instance – someone else being selected for a specific task, and because you weren’t selected – you judged yourself by comparing you towards the other being that was selected, believing you to then ‘not be good enough’.

So, you seeing yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system, within yourself, towards yourself, as ‘not being good enough’, you have derived from a comparison towards someone else, through how you’ve seen yourself through them – and thus, judged yourself within the comparison. And because of the judgment, constructed and designed how you see you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system as ‘not being good enough’, because of how you see yourself through the eyes of others within comparison.

So, the cycle is ‘seeing yourself through the eyes of others, through the eyes of the world’ within comparison, which manifest a judgment towards you, within you, and then through the judgment – construct and design ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’.

And you will notice that ‘seeing yourself through the eyes of other human beings’ – is done within the starting point of comparison, within which you will construct and manifest ‘how you see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ within polarity = comparison manifest polarity within and as you to which you define ‘who you are’ and ‘how you are’ according to who and how you see yourself as and to be through the eyes of the mind consciousness system.

Why polarity? Because within you exist the perception of the polarity manifestation of being ‘good enough/better than’ and ‘not being good enough’ and according to ‘how you see you through the eyes of other human beings’ through comparison - you’ll either see yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system as ‘being good enough/better than’ or ‘not being good enough’.

For example: Let’s say you were the one selected for the task and within you, you experienced: ‘Yes! I knew I was better at this than everyone else’ = this is then you comparing you towards others through seeing yourself through the eyes of other human beings – manifesting a judgment of being ‘better than’ which is the polarity opposite to ‘not being good enough’, then within the judgment – ‘seeing yourself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ as ‘being better than everyone else’.

Human beings believe a judgment is something ‘bad’ – such as a judgment only being defined as when you experiencing yourself as ‘not being good enough’ – no, experiencing yourself as ‘being better than…’ is also a judgment. A judgment is that which you accept and allow to exist within you to which you define ‘who and how you are’ according to how you see yourself – that exist within and as polarity of mind, originating from within and as comparison.

Both ‘not good enough’ and ‘better than’ is a judgment towards self based on comparison towards someone or something else – and ‘not good enough’ and ‘better than’ are polarity opposites of each other = therefore, both are self judgments.

So, how to practically specifically assist and support you within self forgiveness and self corrective application applied in self honesty with such a point of ‘how you see you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ because of ‘how you see you through the eyes of other human beings’ within such a point of ‘not being good enough’:

Firstly, you have to specifically identify to whom and what you have compared yourself towards from which you constructed this belief within yourself that you are apparently ‘not good enough’. Then from here, specifically apply self forgiveness for accepting and allowing you to ‘see yourself through the eyes of others, outside separate from you’ through comparison, accepting and allowing you to manifest a judgment towards yourself, which manifested the belief within you that you’re ‘not good enough’ and within this, accepting and allowing you to define yourself according to how you see you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system.

Secondly, to have a look at the ‘polarity opposite’ of ‘not being good enough’ as ‘being better than’ – and apply self forgiveness for accepting and allowing you to exist within and as polarity of mind between ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ and accepting and allowing polarity of mind to exist within and as you.

Thirdly, because ‘not being good enough’ judgment towards yourself exist within and as you, the polarity opposite as ‘better than’ exist within and as you. Now you have to specifically identify to whom and what you have compared yourself towards from which you constructed this belief within yourself that you are apparently ‘better than’. Then from here, specifically apply self forgiveness for accepting and allowing you to ‘see yourself through the eyes of others, outside separate from you’ through comparison, accepting and allowing you to manifest a judgment towards yourself, which manifested the belief within you that you’re ‘better than’ and within this, accepting and allowing you to define yourself according to how you see you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system.

Let’s take the example that I used above with regards to you not being selected / appointed to fulfill a specific task: In that moment – when another human being is selected for a specific task, for which you ‘worked hard for’ to be ‘chosen’ and you weren’t and in that moment, you experience ‘I’m not good enough’, because you believed the other human being was ‘better than you’ and that’s why they were chosen – you apply the following self forgiveness in self honesty:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare me towards another human being and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me through the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within comparison, judge me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within judgment, construct and design and manifest how I see me through the eyes of the mind consciousness system, because of how I have accepted and allowed myself to see me through the eyes of other human beings because of accepted and allowed comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within seeing me through the eyes of another human being through comparison, judged me as being ‘not good enough’, because I believed another was ‘better than me’ because I wasn’t selected for the task for which I worked so hard for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me as ‘not being good enough’ and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that I am ‘not good enough’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘not being good enough’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to how I see me through the eyes of the mind consciousness system, through me accepting and allowing me to define myself through seeing me through the eyes of other human beings through accepted and allowed comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as being ‘not good enough’ …


Alright, now – you applied self forgiveness for ‘not being good enough’ accepted and allowed self judgment towards self because of accepted and allowed comparison towards another.

Now, to apply self forgiveness for the polarity opposite of ‘not being good enough’ as ‘being better than’:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within polarity of mind as ‘not being good enough’ and ‘better than’

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that if I accept and allow ‘not being good enough’ to exist within me, and accept and allow me to participate within ‘not being good enough’ – I accept and allow its polarity opposite to exist within and as me, which is ‘being better than’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘being better than’ as the polarity opposite of ‘not good enough’ to exist within and as me

…

Now, you have to specifically identify towards who and what and when you accept and allow you to exist within and participate as ‘being better than’. Because within accepting and allowing you to participate within ‘not being good enough’ and accept and allow you to define you according to ‘not being good enough’ = your mind as a unified field which exist within polarity = have to balance itself out. Because you’ve defined you according to being a mind = you will balance you as the mind within another ‘area/field’ within your world within which you participate – to balance the ‘not being good enough’ with ‘being better than’. And so you will exist within both ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ as you within and as the mind ‘balance you’ between the two polarity opposites of ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’:

So, let’s say you identify within you, that you’re balancing the polarity opposite of ‘not being good enough’ which you experienced at work/school related to tasks with ‘being better than’ which you experience towards a family member – then you go:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within judgment towards me as ‘being better than’ my family member, through seeing me through the eyes of my family member through comparison and then judging me as being ‘better than’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me through the eyes of the mind consciousness system as being ‘better than’ because of accepted and allowed comparison through seeing me through the eyes of a family member, and judging me as being ‘better than’

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that in accepting and allowing me to exist within and as the polarity of ‘not good enough’ and ‘better than’, that such two polarity opposites will balance itself out within various fields/sections/aspects within and as my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘better than’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me to define myself according to being ‘better than’

…

And so you continue, though understand that you have to be specific with regards to, towards what particular specific point you manifested the judgment of ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ towards yourself through accepted and allowed comparison towards another.
Meaning, what specific point within your world towards another made you believe that you’re ‘not good enough’, and what specific point within your world towards another made you believe that you’re ‘better than’ and accordingly apply specific self forgiveness in accepting and allowing you to define ‘who you are’ within and as you as being ‘good enough’ and ‘being better than’ through seeing you through the eyes of another human being through comparison, which manifested, constructed and designed how you see you through the eyes of the mind consciousness to which you defined ‘you’.
An example of specificity would be, you believing you are ‘better than’ your brother/sister within your family because your parents give you more attention through words and actions than the others – then you specifically have to apply yourself for believing you are better than your bother(s)/sister(s), only because you receive more praise/attention within words/actions.

Another example of specificity would be, you believing you are ‘less than’ because you’re not one of the ‘cool guys/girls’ at school that everyone adore and give attentions to, and because you are not ‘adored’ as they are – you are apparently ‘less than’ – then you specifically have to apply self forgiveness for believing you are ‘less than’ only because you’re not one of the ‘cool guys/girls’ and school and also not being adored/getting attention as they are.

For clarification: Seeing you through the eyes of other human beings is when you compare yourself towards another. Seeing you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system, is when you within comparison towards another – manifest a judgment, opinion or idea about yourself in separation of you. So, if you have any ideas, definitions, opinions or judgments towards yourself within yourself – this is seeing you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system, and all ideas, judgments, opinions and definitions of self within and towards self are derived of comparing self towards others.

Therefore identify all comparisons towards other human beings within this world, within you to which you have compared yourself, because within the comparison as ‘seeing you through the eyes of other human beings’, you will identify the judgments towards you which manifested and designed ‘how you see you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ – constructing the definition of ‘who and what you believe yourself to be’.

And realise that comparison encompass both the ‘good and bad’, as judgment encompass both the ‘good and bad’ – and to apply self forgiveness for all comparisons towards others manifesting judgments towards self and apply self forgiveness for all judgments towards self = both the ‘good and bad’, which manifest the polarity construct of mind.

Self corrective application within ‘seeing you through the eyes of other human beings’ through accepted and allowed comparison, manifesting self judgment towards self, creating and designing ‘how you see you through the eyes of the mind consciousness system’ – is as follows:

Now that you have assisted and supported you in becoming aware of how you’re accepting and allowing you to exist within, for example the polarity of mind as judgment of ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ through accepted and allowed comparison = you are able to ‘flagpoint’ such accepted and allowed participation within and as you. ‘Flagpoint’ meaning you ensure that you realise within you immediately when you accept and allow you to participate in both/either ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ then immediately in the moment apply practical self corrective application and STOP:

So, you’ve now sat down with yourself, alone and specifically identified where and when and towards who specifically within you and your world you’ve accepted and allowed, and do accept and allow you, to participate within for instance ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ and applied specific directive self forgiveness. As, while and when participating within your world and you in a moment experience you accepting and allowing you to participate within ‘not being good enough’ or ‘being better than’ – practical self corrective application is standing up within that moment within and as you and saying: STOP! NO! I do not accept and allow me to participate within ‘not being good enough’ / ‘being better than’. This statement within and as you of saying: ‘STOP! NO! I will not accept and allow me to participate within ‘not being good enough’ / ‘being better than’’ – if this is said absolutely, the ‘not being good enough’ experience or ‘being better than’ experience will stop immediately and you’ll remain here stable within and as you in and as breath = no movement.

So, every moment, after you have specifically assisted and supported you within specifically identifying where and when and towards who you experience ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ within and as you and applied specific self forgiveness within and as absolute self honesty = you apply the directive statement within and as you of: STOP! NO! I do not accept and allow me to participate within ‘not being good enough’ / ‘being better than’ = this is not who I am! – in assisting and supporting you within and as practical self corrective application as and while and when you participate in this world.

If after four weeks, you notice that you still experience ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ within and as you – you have to consider the following points:

1. Self forgiveness not applied effectively when identifying towards who, when and where and why you’ve accepted and allowed you to participate within ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being better than’ – meaning, your self forgiveness didn’t go ‘deep enough’ into the root of the specific points towards which you’ve compared yourself towards others within and as you 2. Self corrective application in the moment of experiencing the comparison towards another human being within and as you was not done absolute, because you still accepted and allowed you to believe that ‘who you are’ is that comparison you experienced towards another within and as you, manifesting the judgment towards you within which you have defined ‘who you are’

So, if absolutely no change within you is experienced within four weeks of focusing on such a specific point of for instance ‘being less than’ and ‘being better than’ – then you have start again, and revisit the self forgiveness and self corrective application and specify your self forgiveness and self corrective application within and as you.

Understand, practical self corrective application is when you stand up within and as you in the moment when you experience that you are accepting and allowing you to participate in the mind and in that moment STOP you from participating in the mind while, when and as you participate in this world.

Another practical example of how you’re able to assist and support you with regards to identifying self judgments within and as you and then from there to have a look at to what and who, when and where you’ve accepted and allowed you to compare yourself towards, which manifested such judgments towards you – is standing naked infront of a mirror and look yourself straight in the eyes – and seeing what thoughts, memories, pictures, ideas and reactions comes up within and as you, and from here – identify from what accepted and allowed comparisons such judgments was derived.



B. Unconscious and Subconscious Mind Foundation manifestation Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am the Eye, the ‘I’ of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give permission to the ‘creators’ of this mind system to program me to believe and perceive that I am the Eye, the ‘I’ of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give my power away through giving my permission to the ‘creators’ of this mind system to program me to believe and perceive that I am the Eye, the ‘I’ of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become a mind system and accept myself as a mind system and believe myself to be a mind system and allowed myself to be programmed as a mind system instead of the expression of life as who I am as the origin of who I am as the living word of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise, to live, to see, to honour, to recognize, to be aware, to stand as who I am as ‘I am’ of life of oneness and equality as the living word.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am the programmed language of systems as thoughts, feelings and emotions – in allowing and accepting myself to become the ‘I of Consciousness’ / the ‘I of the Systems’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am the slave to systems and the programs that run within me as my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to ‘fall’ in the traps of consciousness programmed games such as ‘enlightenment’, ‘attainment’ and ‘becoming’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to sacrifice me as who I really am as life by allowing and accepting myself to become this programmed system within me as the mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions as that which enslaves and controls me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to live by the following words of system programming: “Here I am systems, your servant, take me, I am sacrificing myself for your existence. You are my ‘God’ and I am your slave. I give you permission to continue the enslavement and control you stand for and as” - because I have allowed myself to participate in the mind and be of the mind – believing such an existence and experience of myself to actually be ‘who I am’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be programmable.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be programmed.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to programmable and programmed by words and sound frequencies.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am only programmable and able to be programmed by words and sound frequencies if I am separate from the programmers as well as sound frequencies and words.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be and stand separate from the mind – the mind the very manifestation within and as me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become – which I have accepted and allowed to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give my power away through accepting and allowing separate manifestations outside of me to influence, direct and control me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that separate manifestations outside of me only has the ability to direct, control and influence me if I am and stand separate from those very manifestations which I have accepted and allowed to influence me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to blame the past, to blame the ‘creators’, to blame the ‘programmers’ and to blame the mind for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and what has become of this world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that blame is a methodology of hiding – hiding the shame, sorrow and regret and especially fear of myself for having to face myself for what I have accepted and allowed to be done unto me – which I had actually done unto myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that all I had become, all that I experienced and all that I experience – I did to myself through my own acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give myself the ability to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give away Self Power, Self Directiveness and Self Control to the systems – the systems reflecting all that of me from which I have separated myself – allowing and accepting myself to be enslaved by the very nature of myself, which I have accepted and allowed to separate myself from.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the mind and systems and all this systematic programmed existence consist of – is me – is the very nature of me I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from – and that I am in this moment – trapped, enslaved and lost within my own accepted and allowed creation/existence.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be ashamed of my own nature as the mind and existence in its current manifested expression - which I have accepted and allowed to exist through separation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from dimensional existence – believing the program the run within me as the mind which I have accepted and allowed as me – of the dimensions being ‘more than’ me – instead of realising I am one with and equal to all of existence as who I am of life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to actually believe that some knows more than others – instead of realising that those that apparently know more and those that apparently know less – are different variations of mind consciousness system implants and manifestations of but knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to live, behave, be and become a programmed mind system. I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be deceived, manipulated, controlled, enslaved and suppressed by and through manifestations separate from me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am only able to be deceived, manipulated, controlled, enslaved and suppressed by and through manifestations separate from me – if I exist within and as separation of that very manifestation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am only able to be deceived, manipulated, controlled, enslaved and suppressed by and through manifestations separate from me – if I am of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give the power of existence as the power of me to manifestations separate from me – to have the ability to design, manifest and create outcomes for me as existence – instead of me directing me, me expressing me and me living me as who I am within and as oneness and equality of life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to direct myself, my own world and my experience of myself – instead I diverted this self responsibility to the hands of manifestations separate from me because I didn’t allow myself to stand up for life as life as me of oneness and equality for all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that in giving my power away to manifestations separate from me – I am giving all of me to that very manifestation separate from me – thus giving it the ability to do with me as it please.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be controlled, directed, influenced and enslaved by hope and fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that hope and fear is real and that such manifestations actually exist and that I actually experience it - instead of realising that everything I experience that is of the mind is not real, nor is the experiences thereof – because it is all of separation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that anything I experience that generate a reaction within me that exist separate from me – is not real – because it exist in separation – it is not me – thus I am not actually experiencing me as who I am – but the illusion of me that exist in separation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed ‘back doors’ to exist within me – as a possible and probable escape route which consist of blame, denial, judgment, justification and fear as excuses to not have to face directly what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and thus have accepted and allowed myself to manifest as the experience of myself along with the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am okay, that I am normal and that I am accepted and appreciated by the rest of the world, society and my very own family if everything in my world is apparently ‘in order’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to actually believe and ‘buy into’ and ‘fall for’ the idea, perception and belief that a separate manifested source will come and save, rescue and help this world, me and the rest of humanity such as gods and dimensional beings of religious and spiritual movements – instead of me realising and trusting my own self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from the very nature of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as this mind consciousness structural resonance system within and as me. Instead of living the very nature of who I am as life - as the living expressive example of nature of the world that is of life within and as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take nature for granted – the very nature as the living expressive example of life as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be directed, controlled, influenced, disempowered and manipulated by the mind – the very manifestation that exist within me that I have accepted and allowed myself to become – the world an example of what exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need and require this programmed mind consciousness system – to live – because I have allowed and accepted myself to be programmed to believe that I am this mind consciousness system within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed – for eons of time – to not stand up – I accepted and allowed enslavement of me, within me and thus accepted and allowed enslavement of others, within themselves – thus for eons of time – all of existence and me included have accepted and allowed ourselves to be enslaved – by the mind – through our own acceptances and allowances of the existence of the mind – thus I am individually responsible for all that exist and for all I have become as all of existence as one.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am self responsible.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become fearful, uncertain, unresponsive, anxious and unwilling to have to take self responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed within me, thus within others and for what has manifested and become of this world and humanity as me – because of shame, remorse, regret, sorrow, anger and hatred of myself for what I have accepted and allowed to be done unto me – what I have accepted and allowed to be done unto myself: Because I didn’t stand up in moments when I could.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to believe that thinking is normal, ordinary and acceptable and allowed because it’s who I am and what I am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to programmed to believe that headaches are headaches and of no meaning or worth – instead of realising that headaches are of the human physical body – assisting and supporting me in stating: Something is very ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that medication exist to suppress the expression, assistance and support of the human physical body of life within and as oneness and equality as who I am – to further the separation of me from life as the human physical body as the manifested expression of who I am. To not allow me to question pain – but immediately present an ‘temporary solution’ for the pain as medication.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to believe that pain is ‘normal’ – that pain is acceptable and allowed and okay – instead of realising that the experience and manifestation of pain is the human physical body of life as who I am as life – communicating with me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate me from myself as life as the manifestation of life as who I am as the human physical body – through suppression, separation and being unquestionably compliant and obedient to the programmed mind and systematic reality of consciousness – by believing pain is ordinary and normal and a temporary solution exist in the form of medication.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be programmed within and as the becoming and believing of myself as the polarity equations of right and wring, good and bad and positive and negative – instead of me trusting my own discernment as who I am of life within and as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to accept and allow this world and all of humanity to continue as is because of the following allowed and accepted law by which I accepted and allowed myself to live by, comply and adhere to: It’s just the way it is.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be programmed to believe that emotions and feelings are expressions and experiences of me that are real – instead of realising that emotions and feelings are generated through the act of thinking that is of the mind system within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the thoughts, feelings and emotions of the mind system which I have accepted and allowed within me – and because of this becoming of me – the world as me as become the becoming of me as a mind consciousness system – systems fuelling systems.

Self forgiveness statements for 1.) FOREHEAD point and 2.) EYE points to continue…

Veno

Cramps

crAMPS

Ampere

flow of power--constricting the flow of self

construct constrIcts


Lower Leggs --the foundation/starting point of self directiveness

The back of Leggs--meaning it is hIdden--form self--hIdeous

Top of Head-- Idea of connection with all--thus in SEEparation with all

Right foot-- the Direction of self in the construct--the placement of self--wher is self meant to BE

the third toe--actually the middle toe--third toe--is about following the programme--yet middle toe is about stabIlIty

the programme wIll not gIve stability--but it wIll tempt with BALLance



Understand- paIn makes sure we reMAIN reALL

Dj's sf - revengefulness

Dj shows much resistance in doing the SF thing. He is sooooooo angry with me that he doesn't want to do SF just because I want to do it with him. Tonight we got to talk again, after an failed attempt to do SF.

He thinks it's weird, but most of all he can't forgive me...
He actually confessed he is revengeful towards me because of me being so often angry with him.
So I can understand why he is not at ease yet with the 'I forgive'.
I'll have to take it easy with him, not push too hard.

We talked about how this is effecting our daily life - me being angry with him, he being angry with me because I am angry with him, me being angry with him because he is angry with me because I am angry with me...
lol Then he started by dictating me my sf - I forgive myself for allowing me to be so annoyed with Dj. And that I must stop first.
So we made an agreement to assist each other by reminding each other to stop it whenever one of us is angry.

Cool, this talking! We ended by telling each other how much fun we have together also and how much we care.

He told me also he feels like he is another person when he is angry, like there is some notch in his body where this other person comes in when he is very angry, and then saying nasty things. He doesn't like that, this other person, but he isn't afraid.

Higher consciousness

‘Higher consciousness’ – consciousness is the conscience of the mind, the enslavement of self to consciousness of mind where the conscience of self is the construct of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, ideas, beliefs and pictures of mind.
Therefore: ‘Higher consciousness’ = enslavement of self in separation of self. Because consciousness in itself is a ‘separate entity’ – where ‘higher consciousness’ becomes but the mere ‘heightened sense’ of and as the mind.

You will find no other truth exist, but the truth of self – the truth of self revealed as ‘who you are here’ in every moment of breath. Any other ‘truth’ would be based in separation upon knowledge and information of mind based upon opinion of other human beings’ minds’ of ‘those that have gone before you’.

Believing yourself to be of a ‘soul’ is also separation – ‘who you are’ is not a soul, a soul is a separate manifested constructed design as ‘part of’ the mind consciousness system which was infused within and as beings, within this world – for further enslavement purposes through separation. Defining you according to being a ‘soul’ or ‘of a soul’ limits you the existence of yourself as a ‘soul’ – which is ridiculous.

Within this, life is not a soul – life is who we really are as all as one as equal. Life as who we really are is not defined by anything or anyone of or within this existence – but is able to be self realised through self honesty, self forgiveness, self corrective application and breathing – for life is not of mind, if you have a mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions = life as you as who you really are as all as one as equal cannot exist.

Bruce L.

SF for me as a mom

SELF FORGIVENESS’S TO DO WITH YOU ALONE, ALSO PLACING DJ WITHIN AND AS YOU:

(Understand that some of these self forgiveness’s may sound ‘strange’ and may also bring up some reactions – whenever a reaction is experiences, apply self forgiveness for the reaction experienced towards the self forgiveness itself for effectiveness and specificity in assisting and supporting self)



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Dj will fulfill me – instead of realising fulfillment is here as me in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Dj will complete me – instead of realising completeness is me as who I am here in self honesty in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Dj will fulfill and complete the loss I experienced within me, the loneliness I experienced within me and the emptiness I experienced within me

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that loss, loneliness and emptiness only exist within the mind – and that only the mind requires relationships in separation of self towards someone or something to be ‘whole’ within itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have Dj to fill the empty space of nothingness and depression I experienced within me

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give myself love, by loving me unconditionally – but expect someone else to give it to me, to be it for me

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give myself joy by realising joy is me as who I am here in every moment of me – but expect someone else to give it to me, to be it for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have Dj because I feared being alone, feared growing old alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being an adequate parent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good enough as a parent, as a mother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘always want the best for Dj’ but from a starting point of defining ‘the best’ as ‘perfect school, enough food, exceptional home and clothing, toys as entertainment’ which I defined as being me ‘showing him that I love him and care for him’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love and care as ‘providing him will all that he needs’ – instead of realising that self expression as love is who I am with him in gratefulness of him as me and assisting and supporting him as ‘who he is’ as me within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionally loving Dj, because I fear losing him – so, I hold myself back to not be open and vulnerable and intimate with him, through fear of losing him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love and joy according to and towards Dj – causing a rift within him and within me, to not have either of us experience joy or love as self in self expression – because I defined love and joy as Dj, expecting him to ‘be that for me’, which cause him try/attempt to ‘live upto my expectations’ – instead of him living for him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of Dj as how I want him to be according to how I raise him

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to trust me as Dj that he will be ‘who he is’ – unconditionally within this world, but I have to ‘shape and condition and mould’ him to be ‘how he should be’ within this world as a parent should train and teach a child – because he’s not able to be himself within his individual self expression within this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Dj according to and as ‘that which I have been missing all my life’ – instead of realising that I have been missing me all my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing in being parent, in being a mother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and superior towards Dj

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving this world before Dj does and fearing what would happen to him if I were to leave before he does, instead of enjoying every moment here with him as me – no past, present or future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think: who would Dj be without me – thinking/believing that he needs me to define ‘who he is’ – herein, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and need Dj to define who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Dj loving someone else more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want Dj to always remain a child, so that I can take care of him and love him – so that he doesn’t have to leave one day and leave me alone with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified of being alone with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified of facing the inner demons of the past within and as me – the skeletons in the closet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to my own expectations of me as how a mother should be, of how a parent should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting Dj in’ – through fear of losing him and through fear of having to experience the pain within me of maybe/possibly losing him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think: I cannot live without Dj – Dj is in me as me – one and equal

Alright Ingrid – here’s some self forgiveness’s to start with – will add as we continue.

Zelfvergeving om samen met Dj te doen

Zelfvergeving om samen met Dj te doen: 
Lees 15 zinnen zelfvergeving met hem elke avond.

 
Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn. 

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om te denken dat ik alleen ben. 

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn als ik mijn ogen dicht heb.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn als ik alleen ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om boos te zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om niet te begrijpen wat ik van binnen voel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn voor wat ik van binnen voel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om te denken dat de stemmen, het monster, de boosheid in mij me iets aan kunnen doen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn om pijn gedaan te worden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om alles binnenin me te houden en er niet over te praten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb toegestaan om te praten over wat ik van binnen voel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om in de war te zijn over wat ik van binnen voel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om boos te zijn om wat ik van binnen voel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn voor het donker.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om te denken dat ik alleen ben in het donker.
 

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb toegestaan om met Mama te praten als ik boos ben maar alles binnenin me heb gehouden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik niet wist dat ik met Mama kan en mag praten als ik boos ben van binnen, als ik bang ben van binnen, als ik verdrietig ben van binnen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om me buitengesloten te voelen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om verdrietig te zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om soms bang te zijn om Mama een kus te geven.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om soms niet te weten of wat ik voel goed of slecht is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan dat ik soms niet weet of ik boosheid, verdriet en angst voel van binnen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om te denken dat wat ik van binnen voel fout is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb toegestaan om met Mama te praten over wat ik van binnen voel omdat ik bang was dat Mama boos op me zou worden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn dat Mama boos op me zou worden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn dat ik iets fout doe en dat ik dan ook bang ben dat Mama boos op me wordt als ik iets fout doe.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om te denken dat wat ik van binnen ervaar/voel slecht is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om bang te zijn dat Mama zal denken dat ik slecht ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om soms boos te zijn op mezelf wanneer ik iets niet zo goed kan doen als ik zou willen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om verdrietig te zijn als ik zie dat Ingrid eenzaam is.
 

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om soms te voelen dat het mijn schuld is als Mama verdrietig, boos, eenzaam of bang is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan om me van binnen soms verdrietig te voelen.






Ingrid – hier zijn vast zinnen voor 2 avonden – vraag hem ook wat hij soms ervaart van binnen dat hij niet begrijpt, wat er gebeurt als hij sommige dingen ervaart in zichzelf die hij niet begrijpt en wat er gebeurt dat het veroorzaakt.

Van wat hij zegt, van de woorden, maak daar zelfvergeving van om met hem te doen over wat hij deelt met je. Ik zal meer zelfvergeving hier in dit topic plaatsen.

Iemand in je plaatsen:

Zie hem voor je - voor je staand. Ja, het is een plaatje, maar kijk wat er gebeurt.

Plaats hem voor je - en plaats het plaatje dat je ziet binnenin je - wat je zult merken is dat het plaatje verdwijnt en je hem binnenin je als jezelf zult ervaren.

Dan: zelfvergeving.

Why beings 'change' when crossing over...

Q..but the video you did on Dimebag Darrell kind of discoureged me, I felt it wasnt really Dime, it did not sound like the same guy that inpired me to take up guita, and who inspired me to get into the heavy metal buissness. so if it's possible if you could do a second interview with dimebag darrell, and if so Ask him these questions

1. discribe all that he remembers about his life
2. see if he remembers anything about guitar playing

A. Of course he will not be the same as who he was on earth: Not one being is. Because it is the mind as identity of personality of ‘who you believed yourself to be’ according to and of the mind = that dies. Therefore, in death – no being is ‘who they were and as they were’ within this world, because who they were was defined according to, within and as the mind – the mind which ‘ends’, which ‘dies’ in ‘death’ – therefore, death is actually the death of the mind as the identification and definition of self of and within this world – and what remains is self. Though, still a process remains within the interdimensional existence after one has crossed over – to face all and everything of yourself of what you have accepted and allowed as the enslavement within separation of you.

You have a memory of him within your mind – ‘who he is’ is no more the memory human beings have of him within their minds. You cannot define him according to a memory/remembrance within your mind – it’s not who he is, who he really is.

The same with his music – his music was part of his identification and definition of mind = within the interdimensional existence, you’re not defined according to ‘who you were or what you did’ within this world, realising the actual irrelevance = because what remains is SELF, I – that’s all you ‘take with you’ – is you, within and as the interdimensional existence and not ‘you as the mind you believed and perceived you to be’ – and this ‘you’ is not defined according to what you did or who you were within this reality.

Though, he says to realise that your experience has got nothing to do with his music – but with you, yourself – you directed you to assist and support you through his music – his music stands by itself, you grasped it – therefore, you ‘changed your life’ – no-one and nothing else did. You be your own ‘hero’ within you and your world – for idolizing him, would mean you’re stating he’s ‘more than you’ = which is not so. Be one and equal with you, yourself – be grateful for yourself and realise and accept that it is you that changed your own life as each is responsible for only themselves."

Bruce L.

Hiccups

Hiccups are a manifestation of 'constriction release' - when you are for instance in a certain specific application, so 'focused' and 'consumed' by the application, that you 'forget' about you as the application as the expression of you.

So, for instance, let's say you focus so much on your breathing, instead of realising: That I am here as the breath - and you 'separate you from the breath', your entire human physical body as you within you - 'compresses together tightly in inside you' and then the hiccups come - to release the 'tightness' inside you - to allow you to flow as the breath as you here.

So, the human physical body uses hiccups to release the 'tightness' of you within and as the human physical body - to allow you to realise: I am here, the hiccups 'bring you back here' as awareness of you within and as your human physical body.

Realise when you breath, that you are the breath - don't 'put all your attention on the breath only' - realise that it is you as who you are within you as the breath - it's not about the breath, it's about you as the breath. Then you flow - and don't constrict yourself within you.

Veno

Mirror outside/in: the Wall

Yeah, and then it is like talking to a 'wall': you don't get through and they assume you say all kinds of things you did not even think of yourself. Wow, then my mouth is open, perplex!

So where is my wall, where can't I get through to me?

I know I can act this way when I really do not want to be open to other possibilities, when I want to be in my comfort zone, not want to be disturbed or moving me.
Then I pretend to listen and participate but within I say 'yeah, you can talk as much as you like, I wont listen anyway, I just do it the way I want it to be done'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing from myself to act like a wall of pretence of kindliness while in truth I am not there, and participating in violent behaviour by false pretence and ignoring me and the other person both and thus separating me from the other being.
I forgive myself for not allowing and not accepting from myself to simply speak my truth of the moment, unconditionally. This can be done in a selfhonest and true way without unproper rudeness or anger.
I forgive myself for not allowing and not accepting from myself to be rude, not nice, not kind, not polite, not correct, not tolerant, not open, not acknowledging another person.
I am rude. I am intolerant. I am not nice. I am not polite. I am not correct. I am not open. I do not acknowledge another persons view or whatever.
Aaaaaaaaaah, that would be so cool to be just as nasty as I would like :) 


So it's clear I am not allowing myself to be a nasty person, selfish, rude and unbearable. That's probably why I meet so many of these persons in the world lol.

Me the Meatball

I will have to do some sf etc because I am not so sure I will be able to direct myself towards not puking, no disgust, thus separation. Being one&equal to the meat, yeah, what does that mean?

In an hour or two I'll go to the kitchen and make the meatballs. I will feel the structure of the meat with my bear hands and smell the smell. Any reaction I'll have I will immediately do sf on - so I can prepare the meat in a neutral state. I can do that.

But eating it.... nah, I still not really want to do it, I feel disgust by the idea I'll put it in my mouth, chew on it, swallow it and then it is in my body! And for how long will it be there? And wont it poison me just by me not wanting it in me thus separating it from me and my body? Cause I know I will probably experience the meat as in my body, not even as a part of my body.
So what to do? I've lost touch with my reasoning why I should eat meat today. Why did I want to eat meat again?
Because of Dj being often ill these last months. So I can leave it by just preparing the meat - I don't have to eat it. Am I chickening out? hahaha nice word here: chicken out :)

I never liked eating meat, but I did eat it - how did I do that? By simply not thinking of what I was doing at that moment - allowing no pictures in my mind while eating. I could try to do that now. But is that what I want to do? Am I facing something that will help me in stopping participating in the horror of this world? Eating it, it's in my mouth, chewing on it - a substance consisting of atoms clinging together by sound, atoms, I am atoms, me my body - so I will eat atoms lol that doesn't help much. That would be so neutral, where is the part of not wanting to abuse animals by eating them? Oh my, I am confused. Maybe I shouldn't just eat it, because I don't want to, and now I am fucking up myself with some guilt or whatever because I am missing a point that could very well not have been there in the first place.

I'll check what I wrote yesterday - hmmm I seem to have completely forgotten why I needed to do that. Besides the deep disgust thing I see no reason for me to eat meat. About the O pos bloodtype thing - ah well, I should support me as body in a proper way, and as this dog said the Animal Kingdom is ok with people doing that while still in process. So no need for guilt.

Ok, I prepared the meat - no trouble at all with touching it, in his own way it is nice to mold the meat like I would do with clay. What does disgust me is the smell! I had to wash my hands more than once to get rid of this smell... oh my, it really disgusts me. The only pictures I allowed was the picture of fat men eating meat, uncontrolled, nasty noises and greasy fingers. Dicks, nasty smelling dicks. My grandfather in the kitchen hogging a sausage. But maybe this is my mind stepping in. No, this is a part of the disgust - I always had this disgust thing with me eating in public (I forgot because I rarely do, eating something on the street)
That's it for the moment. I am waiting for the food to be ready and then we will have meatballs.

Now, that wasn't that bad - it was tasty and I kind of enjoyed eating it. I was aware of me supporting me as body, so that's cool. The meat balls smelled nice with the mushrooms with it.
Ah well, I'll do sf on the fat greasy man - I just remembered this being my favourite fantasy for awhile while masturbating - a fat greasy man that was eating in a nasty way while fucking me. LOL or LUL (means dick in Dutch:)

Meat balls

So ok, I'll prepare and eat meat balls tomorrow.

I used to make them with gloves on because I couldn't stand the idea of meat on my skin, under my nails - it disgusted me. And with that I had a disgust for animals - no, for dead animals. Strange - me 'loving' animals so much and at the same time feeling so disgusted by their dead substance, hmmm
Is it not disgust for death also?
Anyway I will prepare the meat with my bear hands, feel the structure, smell it. I sure hope I don't have to puke.
I will direct myself to being one and equal with this meat - me touching me, smelling me. Me baking me. And later on: me eating me.

Chipping humans

Q. Are they chipping kids yet??


A. They have been 'chipping' human beings for several years, mainly to monitor emotions/feelings - their 'essence' to establish the necessity of measures or steps to be taken within this world to subdue and control human beings' behaviour etc. through external means - to not be a 'threat to themselves and therefore towards others'.

Nanotechnology is the 'new method' to be able to both monitor and automatically internally control human beings at will.

So, we better get our asses in gear with regards to process - prepare you to prepare the children as you - we must stop.

on selftrust :)

do you breath--and are you sure you breath and can you trust you that you are actually breathing?
so--try to stop breathing and see if you manage that
so--your breath is always with you
and in the breath you are always here
and when you get to the challenges and the laughter--you are going to breath
so--sometimes the key is the innocence of the breath in the moment self honestly
so--even while crying--you are breathing

Wanna get out!

Been ill the last couple of days and now the house is a complete mess. And especially the state the kitchen is in annoys me a great deal. Being there makes me want to smash it all, the dishes, the garbage, the empty bottles - wwwwweeeaharaaaagh, it is as they are getting at my throat, suffocating me. I do not want this, I do not want this life, I hate it! Forced upon me by myself, by having a kid, grrrrrrh

Just a moment ago I found myself in this rocking system, as little monkeys do when they are in distress, soothing themselves with their safety blankets (a substitute for their moms) and as Catherine described on forum. I don't do that allot, but when in distress, yeah, rocking me sooths me.

Watching me while in the kitchen I notice an urge to run away from all this. What is 'all this'?
I wanna get out! I wanna get out! I wanna get out!

mmmm I know this feeling, this suffocating feeling. It is a layer in me that's always there - what does it say? That I do not want this life, that I do not want to be and act like I do. I do not want to have all this stuff, I do not want to take care of a house full of stuff, I do not want to care about stuff.

Lack of trust in me (illness)

I've been ill for a couple of days this week. That's not my question though :D

Since participating on the forum I've been ill often. And this week it was very obvious to me that I got ill after some realisations I had.
I did sf on moving me, conflict etc with one common thing - the lack of trust in myself.

Q. Then I got ill, preventing the movement or cleaning up my act, body???

With this question revealing my lack of trust in me...

In the past I have been fooling myself often, sincerely believing I was on the right track. I know what me and my mind are capable of.

My next thought on this is: why bother? It will reveal itself.

Bwaaaaaaaagh - I am driving me crazy, always in doubt, letting go of it, doubt, letting go... something is not right here, but can't see it, all thick clouds...

Please some clarification/comment, thanks!


Answer:
B.: Over the years as I applied self forgiveness--every time I removed a layer of the old onion--i got sick--so was sick a lot


Dimensions:
Ingrid - you're on 'course' - lol, being sick within and as this process, as Bernard indicated also - is your human physical body literally physically releasing the constructs as you move through your process. See, in being over 28 years old - your entire being as nature of you of mind manifested within and as the human physical body, so constructs of mind actually physically manifested. The being sick indicate that you are moving through the constructs effectively - and thus will release physically within and as you, this is experienced as 'being sick' - so, being sick, it's constructs physically releasing that have manifested within and as you within and as the physical human body. So, don't resist being sick - release, drink lost of water, breathe and diffuse. Audrey H.



Q.I havent been sick for years now... I am not getting sick... and I am applying self forgiveness..does it mean that the SF is not having any effect?


A. It's dependent on much - with regards to how you've constructed you according to mind, suppressions, self definition according to mind, past experiences etc. and the intensity and extensiveness of you within your life experience according to mind within this world. Though, take into consideration - that it's not only to apply self forgiveness, but also the self corrective practical application together with self forgiveness - that's how you change you in self honesty practically here. Only self forgiveness = not enough. Audrey H.

Sleep

I am more able of  selfhonesty, more able to look straight into/through my mind set when I wake up. The moments after waking up I am so much more clear, so much more able to team up with my mind (?) - unfortunately most of the time I have to get up immediately because of daily things, like assisting Dj in getting ready for school. But in the weekends I am able to stay in bed a bit longer and 'wander around in myself'. That's when I see things, notice things, become aware of things.

So why don't I wake up myself earlier so I can stay in bed for another hour?
Because I am sooo very tired...
Why am I sooo very tired?
Because by the time the alarm clock goes of I usually haven't slept for more than 3 - 4 hours.
So the answer lies in going to bed and sleep earlier and sleep an hour longer. Simple as that, buuuuuuuuuuuuut...........


But I do like the nights, when it is quiet around me, almost everybody is sleeping and the world is mine alone :)
I used to be more creative at night, more able to see and confront myself, my thoughts and feeling could wander free etc. I realise that times have changed, I need some other construct: this is 'practical' time - how to make my scripting effective, how to practically apply. Going to bed earlier and waking up earlier is probably more supportive than the nightly 'wonder walks' I used to have. So of ya go.

Interesting video on tiredness:


Never did the SF list on 'sleep' so for a starters:

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need and must have sufficient sleep otherwise if I don’t – I’ll be tired
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependant on sleep
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that ‘lack of sleep’ exist – and that if I were to ‘lack sleep’ – I will be tired
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘lack of sleep’ to tiredness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that tiredness exist
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that tiredness is an idea / belief designed of the mind, accepted and allowed as ‘normal’ due to ‘lack of sleep’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sleeping 8 – 9 hours or more is healthy for my human physical body
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sleeping as healthy
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise, see or understand that sleeping is a system the mind system use to alter / change / update itself – while / during I am unconscious
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use / abuse sleep as an escape from my reality, manipulating the reason and cause for sleeping through ‘making it sound acceptable’ through believing sleeping 8 – 9 hours or more is healthy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use sleep as a method of hiding from self responsibility and facing myself within and as my reality in every moment as the moment as the breath
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the body only requires rest for a maximum of 6 hours – and that’s it
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the mind is the directive principle of me – as it has the ability to induce perceptual tiredness, which is the mind consciousness systems’ ‘signal / sign’ that it requires regeneration and rejuvenation – which is done through sleeping 8 – 9 hours or more
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that tiredness and sleep exist within the mind of the mind – it is not who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed, influenced and controlled by the mind – through it informing me when it’s ‘tired’, then using me to ‘sleep’ while it rejuvenates and regenerates and replenishes itself as it takes me on the journey through my subconscious and unconscious mind – to ‘allocate’ manifestations to pre-occupy me during another day while I’m ‘awake’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to use me – I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that abuse exist within self, through accepting and allowing myself to be abused by the mind – and because I accept / allow this within me – I accept / allow this within the rest of the world as me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that ‘sleeping’ and ‘awake’ is also polarity manifestations of the mind – I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that it’s the mind that sleeps and it’s the mind that wakes up and thus – that I have never really lived
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself realise that the ‘normalcy’ of sleeping 8 – 9 hours a day is accepted and allowed by all of humanity within and of the unified consciousness field because it’s the exact amount of time the mind requires to allocate manifestations within the unconscious mind, then to merge them into the conscious mind as the mind ‘wakes’ – I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the manifestations merged into the conscious mind, extracted from the unconscious mind is of the unified consciousness field from other human beings – yet – the moment I believe a thought to be me, as me, - I make such manifestations my own and in this moment – I infuse other human beings’ thought patterned behaviours / habits within and as the mind consciousness system that exist within me – and thus such manifestations become me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the mind is ‘at work’ while I ‘sleep’ – conjuring and gathering manifestations of any and all kinds, extracted from the unconscious mind – to merge into my conscious mind, so I believe that such manifestations to be me, because it exists in my mind – and so the mind consciousness system within me ‘upgrades itself’ every evening I ‘sleep’
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that dreams are used by the mind consciousness system to divert my attention while I sleep to not actually understand / know what’s really going on while I sleep – therefore – dreams were meaningless
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am exist as thoughts, feelings and emotions – needing ‘lots of sleep’ for a ‘healthy life’
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that ‘lots of sleep’ 8 – 9 hours or more – is healthy for the mind consciousness system within me as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to become
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that ‘the difficulty of waking up in the mornings’ is my emergence as the mind from the unconscious, to the subconscious to the conscious mind – which ‘takes a while’ – then when I’m ‘awake’ and ‘up’ – it’s actually me as the conscious mind, actively participating within and of the unified consciousness field
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define who I am as sleep / sleeping
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define who I am as tired / tiredness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pre-occupation and attention diversion of the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions to not accept or allow myself to experience myself as the breath of life as the moment – here as who I am
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that who I am is the breath as the breath as the moment – here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think that if I sleep ‘less than’ I usually do – I will be tired the next morning – instead of realising that I am designing the very experience of tiredness in the morning through the perceptual belief/idea that less sleep equals tiredness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the idea/belief of ‘less sleep than I usually have’ equals tiredness the next morning – which influence the experience of me within and throughout the entire day – instead of remaining here as the breath as me in every moment
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to wake up in the morning as the breath as me as the moment as me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that it’s the mind that struggles to wake up in the mornings – as it merges with me as me from the unconscious mind to the subconscious mind to the conscious mind – where it eventually later ‘wakes up’ completely
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that in the mornings when I open my eyes and I accept / allow myself to participate in one singular thought – I ‘activate’ all the workings / findings / manifestations the mind retrieved and obtained within the unconscious mind while I was being pre-occupied through dreams - referred to as sleeping – and then allow / accept all such manifestations to infuse within me as me – and thus become such manifestations as thought patterns and behaviours within and of the unified consciousness field.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that sleeping is literal sleep – the complete submerge of me, as the mind does it’s work – because I as who I am is not aware
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that ‘awakening’ and ‘awake’ that exist within and of the unified consciousness field – is the ‘awake’ and ‘awakening’ of the mind in it’s entirety – that it’s not to be awake – but to live practically as who I am which is here as the moment as the breath as me – because for ‘awake / awakening’ to exist – ‘sleep / sleeping’ must exist – the ‘awake/awakening’ for the mind of the mind and the ‘sleep / sleeping’ for me of me, disappearing into the background within myself until I no longer exist and only the mind as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become exist as me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I have always been asleep – the actual sleeping of me as the manifested experience thereof is proof – as the mind exists always, the mind is always active – and thus proof that I have never actually practically lived before as who I am as the breath as the moment as me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I have never actually practically lived as who I am as the breath as the moment as me – but that I have always accepted and allowed the mind to control / direct and influence me through believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from the human physical body of life – from the breath – not realising that breath is life as me nurturing the expression and manifestation of life as the human physical body as me – I am breath – I am human physical body – I am here – I am moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be submerged within and as myself through allowing and accepting myself to be and become the mind consciousness system – because I have believed the lie that I need to be and become the mind consciousness system to survive and exist within and as the unified consciousness field
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the mind consciousness system – to be of thoughts, feelings and emotions – because it’s what and who everyone else has become as those that have gone before me which I have believed and trusted to be ‘my example’ –instead of realising I am the unconditional innocence of self expression of life that exist as the moment as the breath of life as me – the simplicity of practical living exist here as the moment as the breath within and as oneness and equality as the human physical body as the manifestation of life as life of me as me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am simplicity
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am breath as life of life as me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the very manifestation of creation as me of life within and as oneness and equality is here as the human physical body of the breath of life as me

Words: conflict #2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to define myself as the mediator, because I am mediator out of fear of conflict and out of fear for loosing my safety net (consisting of people that love me, like me and wont let me down).
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a mediator not because I choose to, not because I prefer - but because that is my way of dealing with trouble and out of lacking another way to deal with conflict.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to define me as a being in need of a safety net because I cannot be trusted with me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to define me as a being that cannot be trusted unconditionally by self because of the way I am dealing with conflict - that is: to sell short myself by compromising.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act like a slip and slide - making sure I will not able to be pinned down so no opportunity for conflict will arise.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself to take care of me always and unconditionally.

Words: Conflict

I might very well be the Queen of Conflict Avoiding. Avoiding conflict comes more naturally to me than just uncompromisingly stand for ME. I just glide slip my way through conflict if not able to completely be avoided. And sometimes I do the confrontation, but always a remainder of questioning, thinking, feeling, doubt afterwards. So no, I am not at ease with being in conflict with other people.
Why is that? What do I experience?
I do not like the feeling of change, my 'world' changing when in conflict. Then I am not sure what to expect, my safety zone is more or less vanished. When in conflict with people close to me, the risk of loosing my safety net, my 'peace and quiet', my survival kit, is more prominent.

I have two sisters, one older sister and a younger one, so I am in the middle and I used to be good at it - always mediating, being the one with common sense, pacifying and unstirred in that role play. Recently I am in the process of deleting this definition of me as the mediator - my sisters are reacting: when one changes her role, the others will have to face their part too - interesting, I am curious how this will unwind. But also discomfort comes with it, not sure who I am in all this. Who am I when not the mediator? Will I still be needed? Who will keep the balance in this sister thing when not me? Should there be a balance? I fear the effect of me not doing the balancing act - will we still be each other safety net? This must end, I know, because it keeps me from moving, this sister definition, this judo hold.

When I was little, our parent used to fight allot - very often in the middle of the night, yelling and screaming terrible things (well, my mother did)and some physical violence also.
My elder sister and me, we sat on the top of the stairs, terrified, shivering in our pyjamas, just waiting for it to be over with and silently praying no one would get hurt. They didn't notice us, or maybe they did but didn't care.
My parents had also this big fights when in the car, driving to grandma's on Sundays. Me and my sister in the back, holding each other by the hand, terrified. But maybe even worse than the fights was the fear of expecting them to happen any moment - never sure, always be on guard. I see a picture of me waiting by the car, having this feeling in my belly. Still not sure how to describe it, but 100% fear comes close. No option but to get in that car, very frightened of what may happen.

So for me conflict is in close relationship with fear, with not being safe, the shaking of my world - conflict can change my world in a wink of an eye, forever. Someone might get severely hurt or killed.

However, I did direct me the last couple of years towards standing up for me, less compromising, but still not at ease with it. A couple of weeks ago many conflicts came to my doorstep: one with a guy that threatened to beat up my son - no way I am taking this bullshit anymore. So I rang his doorbell and asked him if he did threaten my kid, willingly to solve this. He acted very aggressive towards me, yelling and swearing and repeating his threat. For a moment I thought he was going to hit me. It just wasn't possible to speak with him in a sensible way, so I ended up with telling him I would call the police so they would make it very clear to him that beating up Dj was out of the question, no way! So I did. The police sorted it out with him. A week later I ran into him and he apologized. Ok, we shaked hands and that's it. (He spoke with Dj prior to that, so that was sorted out too. If he hadn't, I would have insisted on him doing so - because Dj was the one threatened and he feared this man.)

I felt good about the way I handled it - taking no bullshit from no one. No compromising.
There was also a major conflict between my sisters and as usual, me in the middle of it. And that one I didn't handle at all. Meaning I was in limbo - not wanting to be the mediator, but then what??? No idea yet. All I know is that I do not want to be in the middle of someone else's conflict anymore. Maybe I should have stated that very clearly - I did, but not resolute enough, not totally, as I said: feeling lost if not defined by the middle sister thing...
I will sort this out.

So in reasoning, in understanding the points of view of the other persons, in compromising, I did manage to stay out of many conflicts. But it has cost me allot - I do not trust me to speak up for me... Too high a price to pay.