I am observing myself. The longing to make Bobbie ‘real’ ‘touchable’ again, making these photographic pictures of Bobbie in my head. So for a moment it is like he is here.
And projecting the images of Bobbie dying over and over again – to force myself to realize he IS gone. So I am in my head, dealing with him gone. What is HERE?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish, long, desire for Bobbie to be with us again, touchable.
I experience loss. There is a space that is empty now, the space that Bobbie used to occupy.
I feel a need to know where he is now. An idea, picture to soothen the experience of loss. Preferably a picture of him being happy lol
D asked me where Bobbie is now. I do not know. Maybe he is reincarnated as a human, maybe he is not. I do not know if he is happy, sad or nothing. I have no answers, and that is ok. I do not want to tell D things just to make him feel more comfortable, though I am tempted because he is so sad.
What is reality? This is reality. Bobbie is gone (well, we do not see/hear/feel him=our experience of ‘he is gone’) The physical manifestation of Bobbie is lying burried in our backgarden. Bobbie as Bobbie is gone – as the cat we knew.