28 February 2008

Deleted systems

There were beings that were just programmed systems / ‘ideas’, which transformed themselves through their individual processes as actual ‘beings’ – for instance Satan. Satan was just an idea/manifestation of an idea that manifested and transformed himself into an actual being – thus, went from being a programmed system, to an expression of ‘who he is’. Though, fascinating – the ‘angels’ / ‘gods’ etc. that were really just programmed information systems – refused to assist and support themselves to birth themselves ‘into’ living expressions as ‘beings’ = and there was an equal and one opportunity given for all that existed within the interdimensional existence. So there were many ‘programmed information systems’ that transformed themselves into ‘beings’ as ‘who they are’ in dedicating and committing themselves to life as all as one as equal as who they are = the rest was simply ‘deleted’ / ‘removed’, they ‘chose’ to remain ‘programmed systems’, so, in truth – ‘deleted’ themselves. Only ‘programmed systems’ are able to be deleted.

You are within the exact same process = currently a programmed system as mind, in the process of birthing you as life from the physical as ‘who you are’ as all are. Though = if you do not make it here, you’ll return to the dimensions and continue your process there, if you refuse to assist and support yourself there – you will remove you from existence to not give you the opportunity to birth you as life as all as one as equal as who you are.

Q. What I don't understand is why would anyone if not now,later in the dimensions,choose rather to be deleted than to stand as one!?

systems do not know that they are systems and thus act from fear--thus sufficient events must take place to develop common sense to realize that life in self honesty that include all life as equal as one life--is where the polarity will not exist

what's in a (nick)name

haaa, what's in a name? A lot:

I forgive myself for allowing myself and accepting from myself to define me by a name.
I forgive myself for allowing myself and accepting from myself considering myself to be taken less 'serious' when using a nickname like 'tullepie' and this way gaining a false sense of freedom to be allowed to be more 'foolish' and 'ignorant' and 'stupid' and 'dumb'.

I forgive myself for allowing myself and accepting from myself to,  in a way, making fun of others by using the nickname 'tullepie' to show them they are taking themselves too serious by choosing nicknames with 'distinguished' meanings.
I forgive myself for allowing myself and accepting from myself to feel more free, less complicated, more save, less responsible, when using 'tullepie' instead of my birthname 'Ingrid'.

I am not a name
names are useful to separate people, to pinpoint
names are of this world
I use names to separate me from who I really am
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to have used names to separate me from other beings.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to use language as a device to separate me and existence.

'define' sounds like 'divine' btw

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en van mezelf heb geaccepteerd mezelf te definiëren dmv een naam.

27 February 2008

Body device

I was just taking a shower and it hit me that I was very much participating in the mind, the last couple of days. Even when doing forgiveness or reading I was very much in the mind but it seemed to me that I wasn't (that much). Sort of a superficial not being of the mind, thus a mindfuck :) Needless to say the forgiveness etc I did wasn't of anu- haha I mistyped, any I meant, but you could say, it was 'anu' support. I decided to reverse the rush of my mind and to start to move my body slowly (not slowmotion although my mind experiences it that way.) Now my body is trembling, having trouble to type. But by focusing on slowing down my body, my mind must slow down, even stop. Then breath. Slow down my movements. Returning within my body, out of the mind.

26 February 2008

Osho: Why changing this World will not last

I will firstly begin with the following: I hear, I see, I realize that you are in the process of starting an 'establishment' within this world for the purpose of: Uniting human beings as one and equal - in which you're currently referring it to as: 'Love and Peace 2012 Onwards.'

Though, many here make one mistake: They do not consider 'how we got to where we are in this moment here within this world' - and instead of looking within, 'assume responsibility' to attempt/try to 'change the world' / 'change the reflection' / 'change the mirror' which reflect who we are within.

The mirror, our reflection is the current manifestation of what exists within and as this world.

Certainly one is able to change the reflection through alteration - but it does not present a 'one and equal solution for all' to stop the actual true real cause/source/core from which the current reflection as mirror as this world of all of existence as 'who we are' within ourselves.

See - the actual definition of change within this world is: Alteration, actually it is perceptual alteration - thus, not a manifested solution that stand infinitely for all as one as equal of life to completely, entirely stop what we have accepted and allowed within ourselves and thus to manifest as an experience of ourselves within this world. And we must stop, entirely, completely stop everything and all that we have accepted and allowed within ourselves to manifest as an experience of ourselves as seen within this world in this moment: The only solution is to stop.

We must not change, we must not alter what currently exist here within this existence - because within changing as altering, the nature of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become still remain exactly the same and we will 'create' other methods to continue within the existence of the nature we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

Altering/changing is not the solution: It is to stop that is the solution. And it is within each and every single one of us, individually that we have to stop entirely and completely as all that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be as the nature we have become which has created and manifested the experience of ourselves and all within this world, this existence currently.

Because see: How are you able to ask human beings to 'unite' as one and equal if you within yourself is not yet 'united' as one and equal as life as all as one as equal as the nature of 'who you are'?
How can human beings / humanity unite if they within themselves are not 'united' within themselves as one as equal as life as all as one as equal?

See: In changing through altering this reality, the mirror reflection of the nature within each one - it does not stop that which is creating and manifesting this reality, this mirrored reflection of self within, of each one within - and it is this here: The nature within and as each one - that is currently being accepted and allowed, this is currently the source, the cause for 'how we got to where we are in this moment within this world.'

With this 'project', you may 'change / alter' this reality for a moment, but only for a select few within this world, and those select few will eventually die, as you will die and the rest of the world will just continue as is - and all that you have attempted and tried to do, to change / alter this world: Will be but mere memories and would make no 'difference' to the nature of man within this world and the world will merely continue as is: Because an alteration / a change within this reality only sustains itself for so long - because what is actually 'powering' / 'manifesting' / 'creating' this world as is: Is the nature of man within. And thus the reason why the alteration/change will not sustain itself through human beings - because their very nature will continue as is and the alteration or change made - will become forgotten in memory of mind, as a dream that once 'lived' for a moment, whisked away within the actual true, real reality that exist as this world, powered, manifested and created through the accepted and allowed nature of man.

And this is where many have fallen:
Trying to change through alteration the world with only a select few, not taking into consideration what is actually really powering, manifesting and creating this reality, this world, this existence as is: Which is the very nature of man within - and because this is not taken into consideration, because this is disregarded whatever is done to attempt/try to change through alteration the world: It fails, it falls - because they did not realize/understand that what is necessary is a complete and total destruction as stop to the current accepted and allowed nature of man within - to initiate a total destruction as stop to what we have accepted and allowed to exist within this world, this existence as ourselves: For only within an entire, total, complete destruction as stop: Is the birthing of Life here as who we are as all as one as equal.

I have been in your position within this world - though, I did not establish an 'organization', nor did I endeavor on such a 'project' as yourself within which you're currently participating, though I was a man alone with a purpose such as yourself, with a 'reason to live and do what I have done as a task of brining awareness to humanity to in such a way, alter/change the world through others (whose nature of themselves as 'who they are' of this world was still the same, still creating and manifesting this reality as is) who would listen and hear to what I have to say for the 'greater good of all' - but I as many as you have fallen in making the mistake:
I am sharing this with you as what I as many as I as you have attempted and tried to do here within this world, though the mistake we have made, as you are in the process of making - is trying to change through alteration this world through others who would 'participate' in what we have to 'share' / in what we're 'wanting to accomplish' - and not considering or regarding the nature of man within and as 'who they have become' and accepted and allowed themselves to be which is the actual 'reality', the 'reality within' - creating and manifesting this world as is - and a change through alteration in this world: Will be of nothing and will make no difference and will not last but for the moment as those who participate are existing here in this world, but who will also eventually die and the alteration/change will die with them - as for the rest of humanity, the future of man, as what they are creating and manifesting in every moment because of the nature of themselves within and as themselves - will continue to create and manifest the future of what man has accepted and allowed within and as self: Which will be no different, if not so much more extensive in destructive nature, than what we currently experience within this world, this reality, this existence as ourselves within this moment.

With this - I will continue in sharing with you my experience in attempting/trying to change through alteration this world, so you may understand and have further perspective for why I say:
It was a mistake and I have fallen and also why all have fallen and made this particular mistake within this reality, this world by not considering the nature of man within, the reality of man within - within which what I, as many as you will be - have attempted and tried to do here in this world - did not last, will not last and have failed.

Currently you are utilizing methods of changing through alteration, this world through other human beings - utilizing methods that have been tried to not avail by others that have gone before you:
Such as myself and many others - and have a look:
I have made no change, no difference to this current world as the nature of human beings within - nothing at all.
Have a look at those that have gone before me, and those that have gone before them, those that have come, that have not taken all as one as equal into consideration as themselves as 'who they are' and have disregarded the nature of man and have not come forth with a practical solution for all as one as equal to live, apply in every moment here - then have a look at his world, this entire world, this world in its entirety: None that have came, none that are and have tried to 'change' the world, 'change man' has made any impact whatsoever because they have not taken all as one as equal into consideration as themselves as 'who they are' and have disregarded the nature of man and have not come forth with a practical solution for all as one as equal to live, apply in every moment here .

And I find it quite strange that human beings still continue to utilize methods that have been tried before, that have been attempted before:
And failed - but others will utilize the same methods - alter or change the methods used previously, which failed, to a certain degree in 'hope' that this time round - something might possibly be accomplished. But it never has and it never will as long as the nature of man within is not directed, is not stopped - is not considered and is not regarded.

And this is what we've realized, what I have realized:
You may bring many together with a purpose for instance: 'Love and Peace 2012 Onwards' - but - you will make no impact within this world in assisting and supporting humanity - unless each one individually stand as all as one as equal as life within themselves and practically in every moment live here in breath and assist and support themselves in every moment of breath to no more participate in the mind - because the mind is the very manifestation of the nature within and as self - so, as you stop participation in the mind in every moment, here in this active application - you stand up and give you direction to stop and correct/purify the nature of you, you have accepted and allowed you to be and become which has, as with all, manifested and created this reality, this world, this universe as is - and within this purification of self you live self honesty, establish self trust and experience self expression as you.

And it is this application as mentioned above - that each being in existence is able to live and apply: Remaining focused as breath here, apply self honesty, establish self trust and live self expression, and in every moment of breath to stop participation in the mind. Together with this applying self forgiveness together with self corrective application: One and Equal for all - so each one will take self responsibility to stop within themselves and purify the nature of themselves = to stand here in breath as all as one as equal and self direct and self move oneself - in assisting and supporting self as others, to stop within themselves and purify the nature of themselves.

This world as what we have accepted and allowed to exist will only stop - when each one stop within themselves, thus, the responsibility exist within each one within existence - not excluding anything/anyone = Otherwise this would be separation and we will get nowhere.

Thus - this is what I suggest you include within your current process as a foundation support and assistance for each one participating:
Yes, 'bring many together', but in 'bringing those many together' - assist and support them within their process of purifying the nature of themselves as 'who they are' - the 'source of themselves' - so that in stopping participation in the mind which is the manifested nature of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, through living self honesty, self trust and self expression in every moment of breath in applying self forgiveness and self corrective application - they stop creating and manifesting this reality in support of its current existence as is experienced by billions of human beings.

And so with each one standing up within themselves and taking self responsibility: We stop this reality, we stop the current existence of how this reality, this world is accepted and allowed to exist through each human beings permission by participating in the mind. We stop the continuation of the self dishonest, self deceptive participation in the mind of mind, which has created and manifested this world as is.

This is what all within the dimensions are currently applying in every moment: One and Equal.

Let's have a look at the word: Fail / Failing from the perspective of: Why I mention that I as many have failed: Failure only exists of mind in separation, when you accept and allow you to exist of separation within and as the accepted and allowed nature of you - 'something/someone only fails' when it does not stand within and as oneness and equality as life as the manifestation of self as self which remain here as self infinitely - and do not falter/change/revert in death.
Therefore - what I have done here in this world, who I was here in this world - was a failure - because who I was and what I have done did not stand within and as oneness and equality as all as one as equal of life as the manifested expression of who I am as life - but of separation, dishonesty and deception of self as who I am as life.
Therefore: I fell, what I have done had failed and who I was ceased to exist.
Therefore: That which do not stand infinitely as the manifestation of self as self as all as one as equal as life - will cease to exist, will fall and will fail in death - because it is not who we really are and will thus not be supported in the continuation of its existence.

See: I fell in death - all that I was and had done had failed, because it did not present a practical living solution for all as one as equal within and as existence as me, because I did not stand and live practically as all as one as equal of life when here - as many that have been here in this world had fallen in death and all that they were and have done have failed: The current situation within this world speaks for itself.

I fell and I failed because I as 'who I am here' did not stand within and as oneness and equality as life as all as one as equal, I did not stand up and take self responsibility for me as all as one as equal as life here in every moment of breath - I did not practically live here in every moment of breath, taken self responsibility and stood up for all as one as equal as life as who I am - I did not stand infinitely - I was not here.
Therefore - it couldn't have worked in any way whatsoever - because I hadn't even assisted and supported the nature of me within me as 'who I was' while here on earth, I was even then, still very much responsible for what was and is occurring within this world currently - but because of my perceptions and beliefs while here of 'who I am' - I just couldn't believe that I am in any way responsible for what was occurring within this world.

See: I defined me according to the 'words I spoke' when/while here on earth.
In defining me as the words I spoke here: I defined myself as who I am according to 'knowledge' - because I did not actually practically live and apply the words as insights and understandings I attained in every moment of breath as me. I did not live and apply myself practically here in this world as all as one as equal as life.
I believed in separation, then I was in separation, therefore I was separate from me as life and thus all as me as life as existence.
I believed in an outside separate source other than myself which is referred to as 'enlightenment' - 'enlightenment' is another formed construct of knowledge within this world which presents the perception/idea/belief that one as attained and accomplished and reached something which presents a certain experience and because of the experience one define oneself according to it and then believe it is 'who you are' - when all it actually really is, is 'knowledge' which don't stand within and as oneness and equality as all as one as equal as life - and thus one exist in and of and as separation because you 'think' / 'believe' you are this 'knowledge construct as enlightenment that you experience' - but will not sustain itself in death.
I believed in an outside separate source 'greater' and of 'more power' than myself = this is separation in itself.

Knowledge cannot exist in death - death destroys knowledge, knowledge cease to exist in death - in death only: You see who you really are and who you are not. So if you are defined of knowledge in this world as 'who you believe you to be' as I 'defined me as who I am as knowledge as words only' - you will cease to exist as this memory you have become while on earth.

Everything that exist of this world: Is a construct of knowledge to which human beings define 'who they are', and in this definition present a certain specific 'experience' of self for a moment, because a 'relationship is formed' with this knowledge and not actually lived as self one and equal as 'who I am' here in every moment of breath - though, in death - all of what you believed and defined you to be of this world: Cease to exist as you - because it wasn't real.

Anything that gives you a 'feeling of experience' within you: Is a construct of knowledge that exist within you of mind, knowledge with which you have formed a relationship within you which give you a particular experience of 'feeling' within you - because you have defined you according to this knowledge.

All that is knowledge constructs within this world, is that which exist 'separate outside of you' - to which you have defined 'who you are' within you, that which you 'believe in' which exist separate outside of you, that which you 'follow' which exist separate outside of you, that which you 'worship' which exist separate outside of you, because of this definition, you have formed a 'knowledge relationship construct of mind' within you, which then give you a certain specific 'feeling of experience' within you: So have a look at what you participate within in your world, your life - which give you certain specific 'feeling of experience' within you, such as meditation for instance, - which you would not be able to 'exist without' - because it is such things that exist of this world that is 'constructs of knowledge' enslaving human beings into self defined existences based in knowledge of separation because it gives/presents to them a certain 'feeling of experience' within which is seemingly real, but is not - it is a creation of mind in separation - which human beings believe and perceive to be 'who they are'.

The only 'feeling' you're able to trust within this existence - is that which you physically actually really feel. For instance - 'feel' your breath. In this moment here - breathe, be aware of your breath - and realize that you're actually able to 'feel' your breath.
Right here - pick up a pencil/pen - have a look within you: You actually 'feel' that which you're holding, here within your physical human hands.
Any other 'feeling experience' within you is derived, designed and manifested of mind in separation, according to 'knowledge constructs' which you have used to define 'who you are' within you of separation - such as the 'feeling experience' you have when meditating: It is a mind designed 'feeling of experience' within you and is not real.
Have a look: Whatever you 'hold' / 'feel' with your human physical body in this world, as that which you are actually able to touch: This 'feeling' is constant; this 'feeling' is HERE.
Have a look at 'experiences of feelings' within you:
It is inconsistent, it changes, it alters and is never the same. Therefore: It is a mind designed experience of 'feeling' based in 'knowledge constructs' of mind, to which you have defined 'who you are' - and thus give you a certain 'feeling of experience' within you and because you 'experience it within you' - you have defined it as 'who you are' - when it is most certainly not.

I, in this world presented a 'construct of knowledge' which presents and presented human beings with a 'certain specific experience within self' - and within this, use this 'construct of knowledge' I presented within this world - to 'hide' the nature of themselves, as I had hidden the nature of myself: Hiding the nature of self behind words.

I was no different, and no less responsible to any other human being within this world, with regards to my responsibility in accepting and allowing this world to continue within its existence of separation, deception and dishonesty, because I accepted and allowed me ,while here on earth to participate within and as that very deceptive, self dishonest nature within and as separation - through hiding behind the words I spoke according to which I defined me as 'who I am': I was but a human being who had spoken 'profound' words defined as 'insight/wisdom' because no-one else had spoken as I had - the only difference between me and all other human beings within this world while I was here: Was but the presentation of me in my words as the words I spoke = that's it and that is all.
I did not live differently - from the perspective of changing the nature of me as 'who I am' within me in practically in every moment of breath living here as all as one as equal of life.

I sat, I stood, I wrote and so I spoke: That's it - surely it is no different to what any other human being do within this world: Everyone speaks as they sit, as they stand, as they write - as I have said - the only different was the presentation of me of words which I spoke which was different to other human beings' manner/way/presentation of speaking - other than that, the nature of me within me as 'who I was' was exactly the same as all other human beings within this world - because I did not actually live and apply the words as me as all as one as equal as life: I just sat, stood and wrote - that's it, the same as what anyone else in this world does - no different, only the words were different. And because the words were different - that's the reason why the words I spoke 'lured attention' from so many.

The greatest deception that exists in this world is 'beautiful words' such as:
Enlightenment, love, peace, joy, bliss, eternal bliss, happiness, light, beauty, wisdom, ascension, special... - because human beings hide the true real nature of themselves within themselves behind such words:
I know - I have done the same on earth. Have a look: I just spoke 'beautiful words' through either sitting, standing or writing - and according to this - I was defined as 'someone special' within this world - I hid behind the words I spoke so that I could define me according to such words, I just had to sit, stand or write and so speak and not have to actually live and apply and take responsibility for me through practically living here in every moment of breath in example as solution for all as one as equal as life.

And who presents themselves with such 'beautiful words' in this world currently, which catch and grab many minds' attention? Human beings participating in 'spirituality' / spiritual organizations, spiritual masters, gurus, ascended masters, 'enlightened one's', 'Christ-consciousnesses', 'God-consciousnesses' - all consisting of and speaking 'beautiful words' - that's all - just beautiful words which they hide behind - to not actually practically live here, in taking self responsibility for all that they have accepted and allowed within themselves as the nature of themselves, to stand up and live here in every moment of breath as all as one as equal - because they have defined who they are as 'beautiful words' - and have hidden the truth of themselves within themselves.
They do not live self honesty in every moment of breath here as all as one as equal as life.

Any being - thinking or believing themselves to be of 'light' / 'of love' / 'of peace' / 'of beauty' / 'of greatness' / enlightened / have attained Christ-consciousness or God-consciousness / of ascension / of bliss and any being who present such words to others / promote such constructs to others: Is self dishonest and deceptive - because these are 'knowledge constructs' as words which they have defined as 'who they are' which give them a certain 'feeling of experience' within themselves which they use to hide behind, which they use to hide the truth, the truth of themselves as the true nature within: I know this - because I have done this and so are all doing this through promoting, presenting or believing themselves to be of such 'beautiful words' as 'knowledge constructs' which will cease to exist in death.
Such beings as I have as many have which have defined themselves according to such 'beautiful words' as 'knowledge constructs' - do not live and apply themselves in every moment of breath as all as one as equal, in taking self responsibility for all as one as equal of life, in standing up for all as one as equal of life.

Realize that self deception and self dishonesty exist when you define you according to 'beautiful words' as 'knowledge constructs' separate from you, which give you a certain specific 'feeling experience' within you according to which you define 'who you are' - and do not actually live and apply in every moment of breath as you: One and Equal for all as one as equal of life in every moment of breath - and live words as you as who you are here in breath as breath as you: The Living Word.

Don't make the same mistake I made and many of us have made:
Don't be mesmerized and hypnotized by beautiful words; don't deceive yourself through the presentation of 'beautiful words', don't be self dishonest and define you according to 'beautiful words' which give/present a certain 'feeling of experience' within you according to which you define 'who you are' - and so deceive you and be self dishonest with you by not living and applying you within and as self honesty in every moment of breath within and as oneness and equality as life as all as one as equal, and take self responsibility for you in every moment of breath.

Direct yourself, apply yourself in every moment of breath within and as self honesty as you - live words as you - as the living word, take self responsibility and stand up within you in purifying the nature of you within you as you - do not accept/allow you to be self deceptive and self dishonest through 'hiding behind beautiful words' to which you define 'who you are' - such as I have done.

Do not use who I was on earth as an example, discard everything I had spoken, I had said: Because everything and all that I was and had spoken was of self dishonesty and self deception within me - and thus who I was and the words I spoke supported self dishonesty and self deception within human beings - because the words I spoke was 'beautiful words' - presenting an opportunity to be used by human beings to 'hide behind', to 'hide the nature of themselves within themselves' to not actually stand up within self and take self responsibility and live here in every moment of breath within and as self honesty as all as one as equal as life in sorting out the nature they have accepted and allowed to be and become within themselves.

Set yourself free from all that exist of this world as 'beautiful words' - they are deception. And live here in every moment of breath as the living word as you as all as one as equal of life.

Jan 06, 2008

Osho - Ascension

Ascension have been 'abused' by the White Light, by systems and including those who were in power and control of the dimensions and of earth in the past. The principle upon which ascension is based is separation, separation from the perspective of it being connected to energy, to frequency to vibration, to a journey of heightening one's experience of oneself here on earth. The separation includes the factor of human beings defining themselves as who and what they are through something existing separate, outside of themselves which determine who and what they are in this world. The entire construct of ascension, including the chakra's, the aura, the energy, frequency and vibration fields, the multitude of different dimensions etc. have become an entire separate embodiment experience of human beings here on earth practicing ascension.

Ascension have been abused from the perspective of designing a complete separate embodiment experience within which human beings on earth 'lock into' when practicing ascension. Ascension has been used for enslavement purposes within consciousness - instead of self-realization as awareness. Ascension have been used as a control, controlling human beings to make sure they do not realize or become aware of who they really are, but remain inferior in their surroundings here on earth while in the process of practicing ascension. It has been based on a journey of attaining something more profound or greater than who and what human beings on earth are and have become, or believed themselves to be. Ascension have been connected with the entire soul construct system which have been placed within human beings by the White Light, systems and those who were in power and control of the dimensions and earth in the past. You may refer ascension and the soul construct as being the relationship within spirituality that supported the enslavement systems of human beings here on earth. Spirituality being transformed into a religion, a religion of ascension of the soul - the soul construct may be referred to as the primary enslavement system of human beings on earth who have followed this belief. The reason the relationship of ascension and the soul construct, named spirituality, was developed is to have human beings here on earth believe they require methods of journeys and attainments to reach the ultimate ascension experience of the soul - when in truth such a religion in this world have been developed to maintain enslavement of human beings here on earth, keeping them busy in this way. Sending them on journey's and attainments as a belief of becoming something more profound or great, a more profound or great experience that lies ahead in the practicing of ascension - all this used to have human beings remain 'busy' and 'preoccupied' in not being able to see the answer of who they really are right before their very eyes.

Ascension has been supported by dimensional beings in the past because it was not only human beings who were lost in the enslavement of ascension, but also the dimensional beings who supported it in the past. So in heaven, so it will be on earth: They say! The experience of ascension that existed in the dimensions was exactly similar to the experience thereof here on earth. Where there's be multiple different dimensional levels and depending on your frequency sound vibration, you'd ascend to the higher dimensional planes - the ascension process strictly followed according to specific requirements to be able to journey and attain within the ascension process. What I have experienced regarding ascension is that I discovered that all I have done/practiced in this process of ascension separated me more from myself, yet I became more connected and ingrained and entranced in the process of ascension, based on movements, vibrations frequencies etc. separate from myself. I started defining myself as who and what I am separate from myself as the ascension process, instead of who and what I am in every moment with every breath. The more I practiced ascension, the more I separated me from myself, as who and what I am and was replaced by the process of ascension to which I in turn started defining myself as.

What I am describing here is that I found that the entire ascension process became a separate embodiment experience of myself to which I defined myself accordingly - instead of who and what I am here in every moment with every breath - realizing that it only requires acceptance, realization and awareness, including application in living who and what I am here in every moment with every breath. Instead of realizing that who and what I am is here in every moment with every breath and that I do not require an ascension process to be able to experience this: Who I am. That the ascension process have been developed and designed, both here on earth and in the dimensions to keep me preoccupied and busy with a journey of attainment, reaching for something out there instead of realizing, seeing and becoming aware that what I have been attainting to, searching for and reaching for is found in every breath, here.

The entire construct of ascension, has been designed and placed as a different method of enslavement because human beings use the ascension process in defining themselves according to this as who and what they are - including everything else the ascension process consist of. What I experienced within the ascension process is that it was more focused on ascension, on me having to ascend, while focusing on separate manifestations outside of myself to have the ability to ascend. Instead of focusing who I am here in every moment, with every breath. I asked questions such as: Why do I have to ascend to experience who and what I am? Why there is something more profound and greater only found through ascension, of a journey or attainment signifying a search for something or someone outside of myself? Why must it be a journey of reaching or searching for something out there? Where am I - am I found through the process of ascension while using separate manifestations outside of myself to be able to give myself the opportunity to ascend?

In asking these questions to name but a few I looked at, I realized that I'm being sent through a maze - that even through ascension who and what I am within myself, including my thoughts, relationships and experiences do not change - yet ascension takes place. This did not make sense to me and neither did my world within which I experienced myself change - it remained the same. Everything during the ascension process was occurring outside of myself, connecting with manifestations separate from who I am, forming a relationship with the ascension process separate, outside of myself like I was being towed by a leash during the ascension process where I was the slave following like a lost puppy.

I could not continue and I released myself from the process, with fear existing within me because I have defined myself as who and what I am according to the entire ascension process and releasing myself from this raised some eyebrows within the dimensions while I was there, lost in the ascension process. I let it go completely and walked out. There were during this time consequences I endured because of this - which is another long story to share yet what I am sharing here is the principle of what I discovered within myself when releasing myself from the ascension process. I realized that: I'm still here. I realized that I defined my self worth, my experience of who and what I am according to the ascension process which I feared losing because I believed I needed it to become or experience something more greater or profound than what I experienced myself before I was forcefully locked into such a process after I passed within the dimensions. Observing the other's still lost in the ascension process, I just wanted to yell and scream that they're able to walk out of there and realize that they don't need such a process - they will realize as I have that they're still here when they take the step I have of releasing themselves from the ascension process. I enslaved myself in allowing myself to participate in the ascension process, in believing that I require practicing ascension to reach or attain to something - which was all a lie fed to me, to keep me busy and preoccupied. This was when I realized: Who I am is here with every breath.

To answer your question: Yes, ascension was designed by the White Light, systems and those in power and control to have human beings including dimensional beings remain busy and preoccupied to not have them see, realize or become aware of who they are here in every moment with every breath. It was transformed into a journey within consciousness - remaining within consciousness enslavement instead of releasing self from the enslavement of consciousness systems. Consciousness systems include thoughts, polarity of positive and negative, good and bad, right and wrong, emotions, feelings, attainments, journey's etc. Who we are is beyond all of this, who we are exist in every moment with every breath, no thoughts or energetic movements existing within but infinite silence and stability - the kingdom of heaven and earth existing within you as one with who you are. Therefore I am able to say what I am answering to you here: I have released myself, risked everything and released myself from that which I have used to define myself and realized that in doing so I actually discovered within awareness through realization that I am still here. Go where you fear to go, go where you resist yourself to go, go through the fear of loss because it is there that you will discover who and what you really are.

To whom I am replying: This is your choice. Whether you remain lost in ascension here on earth or move within the dimensions - the inevitability of realizing who you are beyond all consciousness enslavement systems within yourself and in this world is certain - whether you allow yourself, through giving yourself permission here on earth to realize who you are or the moment when you cross over to the dimensions.

I am leaving you by asking one question: Who and what will you be or become if you were to release yourself from the ascension process?

This is Osho
June 12, 2007 

We Destonians stand for the removal of this Money-Profit-God from the face of the Earth that always place money first and beings needs last. By implementing a new system, Equal Money we call it, every single human being on this Earth will be provided with the basic needs, like food, housing, clothes, education, health care – equally. No one will have more or less. Removing the fear of survival (where money and profit comes in and with that in-equality because some have it all, and most have nothing: no food, shelter, medical care, education…) because survival is been taking care of. We will be free to express ourselves as we are. And profit making will be something of the past – gone – exit – basta

Visit Desteni and do your research on the guidelines for Equality and learn how to apply them. Also visit our Destonians Wiki on Wikipedia for an overview of what being a Destonian means.

24 February 2008

Life is a moment

Life is a moment--a breath--we take in --self forgiveness--and blow out--self honesty
Thus--in the circle of life--we stop the circle with self forgiveness and then start a new life every moment in self honesty
In this way we purify ourselves and the environment we participate in and thus have a direct influence on the future of the world
we are then equal to our own effectiveness in self honesty and self forgiveness and in total control/directive power of our lives

23 February 2008

The mirror outside/in: verbal dhiarrea

I have this friend, for years. I ain't gonna define what friendship is, I know we, systems, aren't able to be real friends, so I stick with the average meaning of friendship And I experience more types of friendship in me, no, that's not true - I do different things with different people.

With this friend I never talk about anything else than the average, daily things of life. Not that I don't want to, but he doesn't - he never thinks about 'life' or the meaning of it, or who he is etc. And that's ok, he is what he is. It's not up to me to try and change him (not that I didn't try :)
He was the one that was there for me and my newborn son and in great need of help, while everybody else, all my 'spiritual' friends were not. He actually helped us, in a practical way by cooking for me, caring for me when in great despair, not able to take care of myself and hardly for my baby. And I am still thankful for that.

The mirror outside/in: massage

Just a simple massage and all the thoughts, feelings, reactions entangled by it :)
Another thing that 'happened' and made me aware of change in me: for years, all my life in fact, I have been the nice, sweet, loving, caring person. Resulting in for instance massaging my sisters back and neck when they were bothering her. She experience always pain in that parts of her body. For the last couple of years I had enough of that role - always the giving person and not much getting back, so no equal exchange - but haven't been able to express myself clearly that way, due to my own fear of speaking up, confusion of changing role in this sisters relationship, fear.
This time I refused bluntly to massage her, no way I was going to, I just didn't feel like it, period. Felt good - I even experienced that if I should lose her (my family & loyalty, one of my subjects) over this or similar things, I was ok by that. The price to pay is just too high, I am not willing to anymore.

The next morning, waking up, another point popped up - although I showed and told her more than once how to massage herself to ease the pain in her neck and back, she has never done that, not even tried - so if she is not willing to assist and support herself, why should I?!

I realized that's what bothered me the most - she herself not willing to do anything, not willing to move herself and just using me to relief the pain, but nothing really changing. So, if people are not willing to support themselves, I certainly wont either!

The mirror outside/in: meat

I don't go out much, besides the shopping and 'neighborhood talk', so not much opportunity to mirror me in 'real life' (yeah, what is real life btw).

Stayed over with my sisters for a couple of days - and observed some things in/from myself.

Of course we talked about Desteni stuff and although my sister is open minded, she doesn't 'agree' with some or most of the things I am telling. I did come on too strong and I observed quite an anger in me, and impatience with the world that goes on as if nothing important is to be done! I felt some hate even! And a distance between me and other people, even with my sister whom I have been so close with for years. At the same time I feel more 'centered' in me, more relying on me, myself.

We talked about the animal abuse and although she listens (or maybe just let me talk:) when we went for groceries she loaded lots of meat in her shopping cart - I looked at it from a distance and a rush of anger and hate was inside of me. I mean, I told her about the abuse, the torture we let animals suffer, she even wanted to show me a video of an animal being skinned alive, so she knows, but she goes on buying and eating this meat?! This is what is going on in this world, people know where the meat is coming from and how it is obtained, they even have tears in their eyes when they see a little kitten or doggie being abused, then they are very shocked, but they don't care about the suffering of the animal on their plate... They do not want to know because it would mean they have to give up something, they have to sacrifice their steak...
Then I realized, feeling this hate, I was hating myself... hating the part in me that has lived that way for the last 9 years, conforming me to society because that seemed the only way to survive. Hating the part in me that likes to close her eyes and go on consuming and watching tv because it is so much easier... 

"You begin with yourself – you prepare you to assist and support others as you effectively – for how are you able to take responsibility for another in assisting and supporting them, if you had not yet proven you as living proof of your individual process effectively? Though – to assist, what I find effective is to share with another my own experience with regards to self application within and as my individual process – not to ‘forcibly tell them something to want them to listen and believe me’ – because then they will resist, because you’re telling them something, not sharing your own experience of you as yourself. "

Yes, very ineffective, coming on too strong. I wanted to convert, change another being. Being frustrated and angry - not from within, just the mind that wants all other humans to force thinking about what they are doing, allowing and accepting from themselves and others. Impatiens, intolerant. Then I want to beat them, on the head, Wake up, you stupid! :) Actually wanting to punch myself on the head, forcing myself to hurry etc. All mind.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to want to force and rush other beings and myself into insight and change, wanting to punch them and myself on the head, being impatient and intolerant with the indifference and stupidity I think I notice in other beings and in me as well.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself that I have lived in 'surviving mode' for the last 10 years, dropping any effort to 'be not of the mind'.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself that I couldn't see another way to live my life for the last 10 years.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to participate in and as the mind.div60 Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik andere mensen en mezelf wilde dwingen en haasten om tot inzicht te komen en te veranderen, dat ik hen en mezelf op het hoofd wilde stompen, ongeduldig en intolerant was met de onverschilligheid en stompzinnigheid die ik dacht te zien in andere mensen en ook in mezelf.
Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik de laatste 10 jaar in de 'overlevingstand' heb geleefd, elke poging om 'zonder mind te zijn' achterwege latend.
Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik geen andere manier zag om mijn leven te leiden de laatste 10 jaar.
Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf om als en in de 'mind' te leven.

22 February 2008


The 'family construct' within the mind's of human beings that exist within this world is one of the primary enslavement constructs within human beings and their world.
A suggestion with regards to 'family' is to approach the experience in such a way as to assist and support you within and as your individual process as follows:
Take all the members within your family and write them down. Then you take them one by one and you write down how you experience them within yourself - your 'relationship' with them and towards them. Then within this - you will discover and realize and see and notice many self forgiveness points to focus on for you. What you will also realize is how much of your family you have 'copied' - in other words, how much aspects exist within them that you've actually accepted and allowed within yourself that you have 'copied' from them as you came of age within this world.
So, specifically go through each one write down your experiences towards them and specifically apply self forgiveness to so release the entire 'family construct' within and as you which you're still accepting and allowing to influence/control you - not 'finding' / 'experiencing' your individual self expression as who YOU are.
Here is a book I suggest you read which will also assist you much within this process:
http://desteni.co.za/shop/downloads/VirusFreeMind.pdf (this will open it in their web browser)
http://desteni.co.za/shop/downloads/VirusFreeMind.rar (this will be a direct download, win rar is required to extract the .pdf file)

18 February 2008

word: blind

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd van mezelf heb dat ik een betekenis aan het woord BLIND heb verankerd.
Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik aan het woord blind de betekenis heb vastgemaakt van hulpeloos.

blind = hulpeloos = angst = oog = duivel = god aan de hemel = nachtmerrie

blind = ziekenhuis = groen = speelgoed = hand = donker = gerrit = bril

Ik vraag me af of ik niet beter ga schrijven over 'blindheid', wat het allemaal voor me betekent, de herinneringen, nachtmerries, angsten, nu nog.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself and accepted from myself to attach a meaning to the word BLIND.
I forgive myself that I allowed myself and accepted from myself to attach the picture 'helpless' to the word blind.
I forgive myself that I allowed myself and accepted from myself to define the word blind as 'helpless'.

blind = helpless = fear = eye = devil = god in the sky = nightmare

blind = hospital = green = toys = hand = dark = gerrit = spectacles

Enjoy the present of the child

'Enjoy her presence as you’ – meaning to realize that your daughter is you within the principle of oneness and equality as life, in other words, you daughter is one and equal within you and as you – so what it means to ‘enjoy her presence as you’ – would be to realize that when she’s expressing herself, ‘enjoying herself’ with whatever she does – realize that she is you, you are her enjoying yourselves together in that moment and as you participate with her in a moment – where the two of you are together – realize that within you she exists one and equal as you – and it is within participation with her – that you ‘enjoy her presence as you’ – because she’s one and equal with you as you.

do not hide from your child

I suggest instead of hiding from your child, be honest and work with your child(ren). Speak to him/her and explain what it is that you have experienced, if necessary apply forgiveness and explain to the child who you are and what you understand about yourself. Then work with your children to be self-honest and forgiving. that way, instead of hiding from your children you are showing them tools and working through your 'stuff'. Do not allow your pride to tell you it is not possible.

17 February 2008

Suicide, about removing yourself

Removing yourself from this world is not an option. You have an assumption, an idea that 'it will be better on the otherside' - no, it will not, you have no comprehension of how much more difficult it is within the interdimensional existence, and don't 'think' that all your 'problems' or 'experiences' you have within you will just magically disappear - because it will not, it will intensify and then you will have to come back to earth, experience the exact same experiences you have now, much worse, to be able to transcend what you didn't because you gave up on yourself.

Thus - if you deliberately remove you from this life, you will and must return to another life, exactly the same and much more extensive to transcend what you wanted or attempted to run away from. Which will make your process two lifetimes longer and multiple times more intense and extensive.

Therefore, I'd suggest to stand up here, take self responsibility for you and not accept or allow the mind to dictate to you, who you are - apply self forgiveness and self honesty in every moment - SELF FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY - so apply it.

Here are some perspectives we have given to beings who believed or had a perception that it'll be easier in the dimensions and who believes or had a perception that they can actually run away from themselves = there is no escape from you, you will face you and I suggest you do it here - not in the dimensions:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5k6jW5ulUs (Practical Consequences of Suicide)
http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=eHTLXTNXCGc (Marcus, from Afterlife on his Suicide)
http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=G-_xSJcJjgo (David Hans Schmidt from Heaven - My Suicide)


Equality as self expression

Let us look at the larger plot, the big picture, and then the picture of our own experience within that. What is fascinating about all pictures is that it is a reflection of our self-expression. This means that we are only seeing the picture, because we created the picture and are part of the picture as the words we have accepted as existing as part of our world. This placed in another way means that all experiences or pictures are equal to the Reflector or Perceiver. Why? Because we are only able to understand that which is equal or less than ourselves. For this reason it is impossible to understand creation in totality as we do not see and understand ourselves in our selfexpression as equal to creation. With the mind in essence being a moving reflector, mostly in this world currently without a director/creator as ourselves, we see what we allow to be reflected and created IN OUR NAME ! This is seen in our name, because we see it or if it would be placed in our experiential reality, we are able to experience it.

This means that we are equal to what we allow to be experienced in our reality. How this is equated is through the realization that understanding within ourselves is equal to what we will create in our world. This means that if we are the criminal, we are only able to commit the crime, because we established within us a reason why/equality that allows us to express ourselves as the criminal. Equality is the reality equilibrium that gives us the consciousness perceived stability. This stability is reflected as what we accept as our reality.

When we realize and accept that we are equal to what we allow we become ONE with our reflection and are Able to direct ourselves to the next self-expression of equality. We will experience this becoming aware of our allowances as a form of uneasiness or disgust or misery or unhappiness or stress or discomfort.

This is a process that has been going/moving/equalizing for many BILLIONS of years.

We have reached the point of equalizing where we see what we allow, we contemplate and reconsider what we ALLOWED ourselves to be equal to inevitably. At this stage we may abdicate our ability to make a self-empowered choice that we live or we will return to the known past where we believe we are safe. When we make the self-empowered choice that reflects “THERE MUST BE SOMETHING MORE”, our reality start adjusting according to our application.

OBVIOUSLY EQUALITY has many variations.

In terms of that which we may call God – This the final point of equality which we may term Image and Likeness of God or perfection. That is our eventual INHERITANCE. Yet, in the process of understanding this inheritance as our SELF-EXPRESSION, we go through a PROCESS of equality where we create ourselves as ONE with our Creation and we allow ourselves to experience it, until we realize and is equal to our true essence. Then we give it up and create again, reflect again and direct again as OURSELVES and who we are PRESENT as, to understand our equality. This equality never wavers and is always specific to what we as our PRESENCE becomes one with.

This at all times, in all self expression is that of: I am that I am in that which I have placed myself as equal to. Yet – I am becoming what I am becoming that equates the point of transcendence and realization that I am more – yet I do not yet understand this more that I am becoming. This more is more effectively realized as existent in all of life as that which is STABLE PRESENT DIRECTIVE UNSEEN/SEEN SPECIFIC directing self to perfection as equal as all as one.

For instance – let us look at the removal of the white Light. In realizing that the White Light is what it is and has become what it became, the question was, am I equal to the White Light as it has become. Here I am, a Son of Man asking myself this question.

The question was equated – Do I trust the White Light as God, as at that stage I understood the White Light to be the Manifestation in Heaven as God. Although through years of experience and reflection, my interaction was varied and specific with the White Light. What remained in the moment was who I am as Equal to what I understand myself to be as One with Myself Infinite. I looked at what was allowed as Equality of the White Light in Expression. I looked at what was allowed as equality in each being which I already Equated as Myself as One as Equal in the ultimate infinite constant. In that moment I transcended the White Light as myself understanding that in transcendence I became the reflection and equality that I reflected as my understanding of who I am and what I represented as equality. In that absolute statement as the equality of myself – the White Light is no more and the understanding of all is pulled through the Eye of the Needle. That means that in that moment the purpose of the White Light was no more. That means that the next cycle of understanding Equality had begun and would manifest as who I am as all as one as one as equal as understanding the responsibility to reflect myself as all as one for a moment to assist in the process of all in understanding of who each is as the I am Creator in each reality which forms the one reality which is not real yet real for the moment to allow the all as individuals to understand what we have allowed to be Equal to us as we have seen and accepted the World as it is as ourselves.

This reality is NOT REAL.

Look – Show yourself ONE POINT in this reality that is REAL and stable – there is none – the most stable is the Physical Universe, then Nature, then the Physical Human Form – The Most unstable is the MIND.

Yet we have placed ourselves equal and less than the MIND. We have been blinded by what we fear to loose. We fear to let the mind go as if we have accepted the mind to be life. We have placed words based on knowledge we learned from the past as the guide to what we believe ourselves to be equal to.

Yet LOOK – everything is always lost. In this process we all die. All is dust to dust.

The process to come is Heaven as Earth. That means that we will understand ourselves as Equal to Heaven in our Presence as One with Heaven. Yet – that is just a step in a cycle of self-expression and understanding self-expression as equality and Oneness and understanding each other as EQUAL and ONE.

All of reality as equated by the MIND will stop. We are not this atrocity we call the world we have allowed ourselves to become Equal and One with. We are not the slave to the mind.

Within this all, Equality and Oneness is always stable and TRUE as it shows us our creations we have allowed.

Thus – Let it be known as it has always been.

When MAN speaks – God speaks. We are the Creator of our reality. We are the choices we allow. We are always only Equal to what we allow ourselves to Be One with.

Written by Bernard Poolman

Date : 03/07/2007
Copyright 2007 Desteni Trust

16 February 2008

Voices in the head

Those voices are you speaking to you - the voices you hear are 'parts' / 'expressions' of you, you haven't accepted as you as one with you. Thus - you experience it as 'voices' separate from you - because the voices represents expressions of you that exist within you that you have separated yourself from. Thus - when you 'hear' such statements of voices again - observe your experience of the voice - if it's 'stern' for instance - where have you not accepted yourself as being 'stern' / self disciplined with yourself within and as your dedication and commitment to you as life within and as oneness and equality. If the voice is comforting - where are you too hard on yourself and not allowing yourself to be gentle with you. Then you make statements: I am gentleness, I am comfort, I am disciplined, I am committed to me, I am dedication etc. Then forgive yourself that you have allowed yourself to separate you from yourself and accept yourself as dedicated, committed and gentle.


15 February 2008

Sex & Masturbation

See when masturbation is the expression of yourself --no pictures no desire--natural expression like a child getting a hard on--all cool
the same with sex with a partner
in fact--in this expression--no touch even necessary --as it is simply self expression and not dependant on another person
the pictures and experience you are having is addiction-- addiction is something dropped through self will and breath in the moment--thus will and breath--and if you walk as the breath--it is only the moment to transcend--there may be several moments following each other--yet it remains only one to direct at the moment of direction--thus--the simplest way--to will and remain self honest and directive

Best is to do the sexual expression experience with some-one also walking with you and are willing to explore self expression beyond the ideas of how this normally is done
you will find penetration to be rather lacking once full self expression is effective
What is an amazing experience is sexual expression after an intense extreme self honest self forgiveness session that was done with equal passion--then you discover what is self movement--that which cannot be contained

14 February 2008


A suggestion with the music: If the music moves anything within you, a reaction of feeling or emotion – this is an indication that you’re actually separate from that instrument/sound/melody and at the same time is revealing suppressed or hidden emotions and feelings that you have not yet effectively faced within you.
So, when you play music and you find any reactions within you whatsoever - here you have to stop for a moment, have a look at the reactions together with the thoughts and apply self forgiveness to release the emotional constructs of thoughts within you of the mind.
When holding or playing an instrument – realise that it is you, the instrument is you, you’re playing you.
It is to play as the entirety of you, stable here in breath, no movement and as you play you as the instrument as one and equal – the sound, melody that come is you through within and as the instrument as you.
I would also suggest having a look at defining who you are according to your ability to make music - because such a self definition separate you from you within you and then music does not become your self expression one and equal with and as you - but then you are actually enslaved to the music itself.

Vocabular Purifier

06/02/2008 08:01:13 ‹Bernard›

The human being is existence of body and mind and awareness. body is self functioning. mind is controlling/enslaving. awareness is the observer/perticipant.
the body place information at DNA level
and the the cells of the body through its plasticity/formibility is that which through the mind create the reality currently using a system
we have removed most of this, but a cellular level each must deprogramme self and place all words in oneness and equality as life. the celss will through the words form a sound crystal/form and project that into and as holographics
so--if you have 5 meanings for love--it will be stored at diffirent places in the body and have 5 diffirent crystal information structures
so when you speak or say or feel the word love--it will come from one of your memory storages at cellular level
we have removed most of this
if you do not know exactly what you have stored--you will say love--but that storage may have fear linked to love and thus fear as love will manifest in your world as suppression as it is eqaul an one to the information you stored
now imagine having 5 diffirent meanings for the word love playing the fool with you
you being the fool- because you do not even realise what you have stored as memory in the diffirent points
you believe you love
but unfortunately--all the love places have diffirent judgments/memories/meanings programmed into you
this happens from birth till after school
so--even finding it exactly to deprogram not easy\that is why it take at least 7 years as you have to walk all time loops to assist you
the purifier assist in identifying the various memory formats to correct through self forgiveness and self honesty
thus requires lots of self discipline as we are programmed that other will teach us--like at school
school is where enslavement becomes a manifested personality

now on children
when a child learn and we show them a pictuer of a house and say house
the child immediately become mind based and not reality based
because we lie--without knowing it
we show the child a PICTURE OF A HOUSE
yet we say IT IS A HOUSE
that is not so--it is NOT A HOUSE
‹Di› instead of showing a REAL house
so--when you show the child a picture--say CLEARLY--this is a PICTURE of a house
then take the child to TOUCH the ACTUAL house
take the child around the house touching it to gain a SENSE OF REALITY
thus, the purifier--place words at high speed into celuular memory
mum mus tdo the practical touching thing

see--in school--learning is very slow
the child is tough to learn at the speed of the mind
the body is far more effective than the mind
the practise speed on the purifier is the speed of the mind learning
master speed is the speed of the body learning
and the body take in immediately

thus--focus on pushing the child to trust themselves as their bodies
one hundred percent effectiveness--do not accept excuses
also do not use emotion or threats

repeat be example
remember if a parent is no example--the parent have no power to assist as life
it is important to do all words in the purifier and observe the child
if the child is fidgity--it is suppressions coming up--thus resistence
push through it
always finish a task
when the nose or face goes red when a word flash--a n  anxiety suppression
very soon one will learn how to assist the child
eventually they do it for themselves

little children start with the alphabet--make it real--no pictures--so a for apple--have a real apple to touch etc
start a child ASAP--they should read BEFORE they go to school or they get DUMBED down like all of society
when the child get wordlists from school--there is an editor on the program. enter the words-let the child do practise--then test on master level. their marks should be 100% for every spelling test.  that will boost their confidence.
It is important to expose a child to school when they are young, when older--see what they want to do.
I never get involved but with vocabulary and reading skills -  in a world of information--that is the skill that is most important
once you know how it works and have tested it, one should discuss how this could become a way to support yourself with income
lol, any questions thus far?

2008 Deceit

Deceit is when we participate in something regardless even when we know it will cause a problem --thus when we willfully focus on our own satisfaction and gratification without seeking a practical solution
Desteni notes 2008

2008 Blindness, poor eye-sight

Q I wonder - I am practically blind in my right eye by an accident I had when I was 4 - is this a direction?
I am also near-sided and as the word is telling; I am more clear in seeing or wanting to see what is nearby. I also noticed when having new contact lens that makes distance very clear to see for me, within months I will see less clear... To me it is like I do not really want to see that clear

A The right eye accident was you not wanting to see yourself, not wanting to see what was being experienced within you as a child and suppressed what you experienced on a physical level – causing ‘blindness’. The right eye indicate structural self suppression on a physical level – pertaining to thoughts manifesting emotions specifically.
Currently within your application (this will be noticed to occur very refractionally within you as it has become so much part of you) whenever you experience thoughts that cause emotions to well up for instance, you have a tendency to rather suppress them and ‘blow them over’ – because you fear them. So, what happened as a child is that you feared thoughts that manifest emotions because you didn’t understand them, then sided for rather suppressing them to not have to see them.
Pinpoint such moments – don’t suppress, self forgiveness and stop suppression.
Also suggested self forgiveness on fear and judgment of thoughts/emotions/feelings and the mind.
The near and far sightedness – this is directly related to your self awareness, self expansion nature of you that is to be established / realized as you in and as self application. As your self awareness ‘expand’ from within and as you to your world as you – your eyes will begin to clear.
This is also ‘connected’ to the right eye manifestation – due to self suppression, that you don’t want to see beyond what you decide to see, the rest you suppress to not have to see/face.

about poor eyesight

The eyes that become weak--were preprogrammed --we are investigating ways to stop it at DNA and related levels--in the meantime--wear the glasses with gratefulness--a being is in form to support you in your process--walk together as one in this

Q Lost when I was 4 the proper use of my right eye because of an accident, practical blind. Are such accidents preprogrammed as well?

AYip, such accidents in the past, before the process started: All pre-programmed.
Since process started and all of each being has been inverted into self to face and take self responsibility for: Whatever is experienced within the being and their world reflects and reveals the nature of the being themselves within: To so see, to so face, to so stand up and to so take self responsibility for all and everything of self.
Thus, each one responsible for themselves.

2008 Complaining about daily issues

To consider is that even complaining keeps you within a loop - because within complaining you 'give power to' the very existence of that which you are complaining about because you're accepting and allowing it to effect you towards which you react within you by complaining. Complaining is complying to the mind and thus lying to you.

Desteni notes 2008

09 February 2008

Sexual Abuse

s a child I have been sexually abused, like so many other children. Just to get clear for myself how much damage has been done, how it affects my own behaviour towards myself and others, and hopefully release all this, I will write down what comes up.
I was playing outdoors, a little girl, what 5, 6 years of age? Though forbidden, I was playing in the bushes and ripped once again my skirt, it was a nice brown one, I remember. I quickly glanced around me to see if anybody was watching, because I knew there would be big trouble if caught playing in these bushes and ripping my skirt once again.

I saw Gerrit looking out the kitchen window. Gerrit lived with us. He couldn't have been very old, maybe 20, but for me he was just another adult, no family, just someone living with us. He looked angry, tapping on the window and waving his hand I should come in. Oh my, I was in trouble!

My mother had gone out shopping and Gerrit and me we're alone in the house. And he told me, he wouldn't tell my mom I had been playing in the forbidden bushes. But then I had to do something for him. And he would buy me a nice present too. Wow, no punishment and a present too! That sounded real cool!

He wanted me to undress, in particular my underpants and to lay down on the kitchenfloor. Oh my, I knew this wasn't right! Gerrit told me that if I didn't do this he would tell my mom I was playing in the bushes and ripped my skirt because of it. And I wouldn't get a present. It seemed I had no choice. And I loved presents!

He did some things with his mouth and tongue in my pussy for some time and then he unzipped his pants and told me to put my mouth on this big thing coming out of his trousers. It smelled nasty, it tasted nasty and it looked nasty. After some time he went to the bathroom and I was allowed to go and play. I shouldn't tell anyone about this, otherwise he would give the present to someone else and I would be severely punished.

hat night in bed in the dark, I told my older sister, she was 9 years? old. She was angry. And when the bedroomdoor opened and Gerrits voice asking if she wanted too, she told him firmly to leave and never enter our bedroom again.

He kept his word - he bought me a present. It was a flat thingy to hang on the wall, a black girlie head, I didn't like it that much. I wanted to hide it, I felt ashamed, I knew it wasn't right. But my mom caught me with it and took it away and hang it on the chimney in the livingroom. And there it was, pontifical, the proof I was a bad girl! Oh my, I didn't feel well at all! I couldn't tell why I hated the thing that much... I ended up by ripping it of the wall and throwing it on the doorstep, so it broke. My mom very angry ofcourse, but I was very relieved. It was made out of gypsum, so I could chalk with it on the pavement.

In the past I worked this out for a great deal - I have been very angry with this man Gerrit, to put me as a little girl under such pressure to do things I didn't wanted to do. And so on. So I didn't experience much movement within when writing this story. But... for one thing... I got sexual aroussed. To my surprise. Never experienced that before.

So maybe this event has been the point I was directly linked to the connection between abuse and sexuality

I developed a precocious interest in sexual behaviour after that happening with Gerrit. I was the leader in the forbidden sexual games children play. In the bushes showing our willies and clara's, undressing the little brother of my friend, laying on top of a boy and sticking my tongue in his mouth, having this odd compulsion in my underbelly... I didn't understand myself, but sometimes there was simply this urge.

I experience some pain in my underbelly now, may be related to this, or maybe just have to go to the toilet :)
There are some more things to tell, some more events.
First I will formulate forgivenes on this one

03 February 2008

2008 My mother the demon - part 2

Birthdays - I remember one in particular. We got our presents always very early in the morning on our beds. This particular birthday my mother decided I should be punished severely, not by not giving presents, but by the way she would give them: she threw them at me, sizzling nasty things. I layed as a stiff, world ending cause for me as a little child, being nasty to a birthday girl was somewhat like killing her. I didn't want the presents. I wanted to let them there on the ground like spots on the vinyl.

My older sister with whom I shared the bedroom tried to persuade me to open the presents. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. In the end I did open them, partially for her, can't remember what was in it. I still wish I hadn't.

Time after time my mother knew how to humiliate me. Often I had no choice but to let her. Other times she bought me, like with presents.
When I was a teenager my mum was dying, again. She was in her bed, curtains closed, whining in the half dark. She wanted me to kiss her goodbye, she was dying and I should kiss her goodbye otherwise I would be very sorry when she was gone. Oh my, I felt so torn in two: I didn't want to kiss her, she disgusted me. And I didn't want to be forced to do so either. On the other hand - what if she would really die this time, I couldn't know for sure, could I live with this guilt not to have kissed her farewell? I really felt nauseous, knowing I should make sure I would do the right thing, didn't wanted to be haunted. So I kissed her. Buuurgh, still feeling disgusted.
And of course she didn't die, she lived for another 15 years.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to feel humiliated by my mother.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to unpack these presents that I didn't wanted, compromising to curiosity and what my sister persuaded me to do.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to kiss my mother farewell while I really did not want to do that, compromising out of fear to be punished by guilt and/or fear of being haunted by my mothers ghost.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to feel disgusted by my mother.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to not want to release the disgust I experience(d) for my mother.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to create and feed humiliation and disgust.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik me vernederd voel(de) door mijn moeder.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik die kadootjes heb uitgepakt terwijl ik ze niet wilde en een compromis heb gesloten omdat ik nieuwsgierig was naar wat er in de pakjes zat en omdat ik me door mijn zus heb laten overhalen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik mijn moeder vaarwel heb gekust terwijl ik dat niet wilde en zo mezelf gecompromiteerd heb uit angst om door schuldgevoel gestraft te gaan worden en/of uit angst dat mijn moeders geest zou komen spoken.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf om afschuw van mijn moeder te voelen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf dat ik die afschuw die ik voor mijn moeder voel(de) niet wil loslaten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb toegestaan en geaccepteerd heb van mezelf venedering en afschuw te creƫren en te voeden.

I wonder, was it my pride that was badly hurt? is it legitimate? in the sense that no one should break the pride and will of a child, but should support and assist the child to be 'proud' of himself and be strong in his determination to be who he is. Not clear. Not clear in formulating this.

Family Construct 2008

My mother the Demon part 1
My mother the Demon part 3 - Finale
The Devil in her Eyes
Saying Goodbye to my Mom


It's really freeing this writing, I will continue. Many things I never dared to say, out of fear for punishment or a false feeling of loyalty towards my parents, my family. This loyalty is a very firm imprented law in me and my sisters. Hmm, did I infect my son? I didn't tell him he should be loyal etc but on a certain level he must have been fed with my loyalty issue. To be frank, I still am not sure if loyalty is such a bad thing...

  • loyalty:
  • the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action;
    (synonym) commitment, allegiance, dedication

Those that I refer to as my family are my older and younger sister, my niece 15, nephew 12 and my son 9.

So I am bound to my family. I am ok with that as long as it is not in my way to be who I am. And it is bound to be in my way, I'm sure. Only last year I broke the agreement by stating my first loyalty was with my son, not my sisters. Sounds stupid but it was in a sense shocking when I said this out loud to one of my sisters. When my younger sister got herself in big trouble, real dangerous with guns, I felt I should keep out of it because it was her mess, she made once again and I wouldn't endanger myself because I feel this obligation towards my son, to keep myself out of danger and stuff. So I told my older sister on the phone, I would no longer back up "no matter what" my younger sister. She was really shocked, had no words. But I got her thinking.
We'll see.

So, family is important to me. To know there are some beings that will stand with me no matter what, is comforting. A back up in life. Oh, we can hate each other, but always get back together. Bound by this agreement, the one good thing we got out of our childhood. Take it away and nothing left - our childhood is just misery.

One thing I like about having sisters is what we have in common - we shared the same parents, same events (though often different experienced), same houses, same schools, shared our mothers womb (not at the same time) We know each others little and big secrets, a kind of intimacy I do not share with others.

will continue later

Price tag

I am a ‘soft cardboard price-tag’ (not a paper price-tag, a bit ‘thicker and harder’ than paper, but softer than cardboard – that’s why I say: ‘soft cardboard price-tag’) as the manifestation of me in this world at the moment – just designed to be a ‘price-tag’ for a moment upon an item/product, such as the lamp upon which I was, with a number and code stuck on me which is the ‘visual value’ this item/product as lamp has been given by human beings – then according to the ‘visual value’ as numbers seen, stuck on me – there is what is referred to as ‘money’, which is paper/coin given according to the ‘visual value’ as ‘numbers’ that exist on me as the price-tag for the product/item ‘purchased’. At the moment, I am at a ‘disposal site’, where all the ‘disposed go’ – I refer to it as a ‘disposal site’, because that’s where all ‘rubbish’ go, and ‘rubbish’ is apparently ‘rubbish’, or I as a ‘price-tag’ become defined as being ‘rubbish’ when I am disposed of into the ‘rubbish bin’ – because I am no more of ‘use’ anymore, no more of ‘importance’, I am no more of ‘worth’. I as a price-tag was just there for a moment, as a ‘price-tag’ on a particular specific product/item as lamp, ‘served my purpose’ as a ‘price-tag’, because a being liked the lamp, ‘purchased it’, ripped me off because the ‘price-tag’ as me must not be seen on the lamp, the lamp is a lamp in its self – a ‘price-tag’ doesn’t belong on a lamp when it is purchased from the store to be taken by it’s owner. I as the price-tag is just there for a moment to reveal the value/worth of the lamp in numbers as ‘visual value’, so that human beings can ‘exchange’ the necessary paper/coin as ‘money’ to ‘get what they want’ – but to ‘get what you want’ in this world, you have to have and show than ‘paper/coin’ mate, otherwise: You ain’t gettin’ nothin’. Back to the moment of me being ripped off: Then I am ‘disposed’ of and thrown in the ‘rubbish-bin’ / ‘trash-can’ as human beings refer to the container within which I’m ‘disposed off’. Then I’m driven off to the ‘disposal site’ – I’m disposed of twice: The first moment in the ‘rubbish-bin’, because I now became ‘rubbish’ and was accordingly disposed of after I had been ripped off of the lamp upon which I was wrapped by the elastic band who typed here just moment’s before I did, then I’m again disposed of at the ‘disposal site’ after I had been ‘picked up’ by an ‘automobile’ specifically manifested and designed to ‘pick up rubbish/trash’ which I had become according to human beings. Currently I am still a price-tag, to be ‘eliminated’ – at the ‘disposal-site’ where I am currently, they use a certain ‘acid’, to ‘eliminate’ what human beings refer to as ‘trash/rubbish’, so as to not take too much space under the earth within which I will be ‘buried’. If you have a look at what I have described above – it’s not much of an experience wouldn’t you say? But yes, unfortunately – this is all and everything I experienced me to me, because I believed me to be only a price-tag, being what human beings created/designed me to be and ‘fulfilling my purpose as a price tag for a moment’ to just be disposed of twice, then annihilated with a ‘acid’ and then buried: Quite sad and mundane when you look at it – yip, I felt sorry for myself also – I’ve already done that part so you don’t have to be that for me… But I know I’ll still exist – because I cannot die, just like human beings cannot die and this is where my ‘point’ of realization of what oneness and equality is: ‘Arose’ from, and it came from realising that I am soon to be ‘buried’ just like human beings are ‘buried’ when they die and that I am no different to anything/anyone that exists – even though I would be perceived to be but a ‘price-tag’ that was once on a lamp, held together to the lamp by an elastic band. For instance, just as I a price-tag in this world is ‘accordingly disposed of’ when I am of no more use/value/importance – is no different to how human beings’ are ‘disposed of’ in for instance ‘hospitals’ before you prepare yourself to ‘die’ – then you are taken to a ‘disposal site’ as I was taken to a ‘disposal site’, this ‘disposal site’ to which you are taken you refer to as a ‘graveyard’. Then you are buried, just like I will be buried underneath the earth - see: No difference here. But I find it interesting that human beings think/believe that the human physical body actually ‘die’, because it does most certainly not – the human physical body when buried under the earth without a coffin provide much sustenance for the earth – yes, so, there is on difference with regards to the ‘burying’ scenario: I get ‘presumably eliminated’ by a certain acidic toxin being thrown upon me, which ‘dissolves me’ to a certain extent to not have to occupy so much ‘space’ underneath the earth, so it is done with most ‘rubbish’ as you would refer it to, while you’re human physical body is firmly, comfortably placed within a ‘coffin’. It’s interesting though – there must be something ‘strange’ going on in this existence – because your human physical body still remain ‘here’, ‘aware’, ‘alive’ – while human beings ‘proclaim the being dead’, because they think/believe that if there is no being occupying the body = the being is dead, so they equate the ‘being no more occupying the body because they have lived their moment here on earth’ as ‘dead’ – which to me is strange, because how would it be if you were one and equal as the human physical body, and your moment on earth is ‘done’ – then experience you as the human physical body buried under the earth within which you amalgamate as the earth (if buried without a coffin which is preferred) – then you experience you as the earth, within the earth as you. Hmm – would be interesting – because this is where I am ‘heading’ – amalgamating with earth, as earth – but naturally the question: Is it to be one and equal as the human physical body – for instance with me, is to be one and equal with me as a price-tag, or is it to be one and equal with me, myself? What would ‘happen’ to me if I were to be one and equal with me, not only one and equal with me as a price-tag, because in only being ‘one and equal with me as a price tag’, that would be me defining me as a price-tag only and I will be only this ‘price-tag’ because it’s all I accepted me to be one with and equal to as me. So I realised that ‘I am that which I accept me to be one and equal with’ and I would be only a price-tag if I were to define me as only a price-tag. I realised that ‘definition’ is what you are when you accept you as one and equal to something/someone and accordingly experience you as that something/someone. For instance, my definition of me would be only being a ‘price-tag’ if I were to only be one and equal as a price-tag as me as ‘who I am’ and I will thus accordingly only experience me as a ‘price-tag’ – which, according to me, would be a limitation, me limiting me to only being a ‘price-tag’. So, then I looked at: Why limit me through ‘defining’ me, by only accepting me to be one and equal as a ‘price-tag’? And I realised that there exists a fear within me (yes I experienced fear) of not ‘defining’ me to being a ‘price-tag’ because ‘what/who else am I’? What does it mean to be one and equal with ME? This ME, is obviously here, because who/what else could be aware of what I am discussing with you here as what I have discovered – then I realised: This, this is ME, I am experiencing me already – this is ME, this ME, I must accept as ME, one and equal with ME – and then I accordingly from here express me as what is here as me in the moment = no definition at all, I am who I am in the moment as I experience the moment as me. So, I am no more defined as just a ‘price-tag’ – I am me, and this me I am is one and equal as me, with me. Much still to explore as me – but this is what I have realised of what it means to be one and equal with me, with no definition of ‘who I am’ as me. Thank you.
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