28 February 2011


I am in this mood – I feel like crying and go upstairs to bed or go to the shop and buy all kinds of snack and candy. Me in ‘escaping’ mode.

I do not want to start a Mind Construct on my Mother; I do not want to bother myself with all this stuff that’s coming to the surface – and so on. Sulking and Mocking – Mommocking. sulking

It’s obvious I’ve got some self forgiveness to do: I do not want to go there because somewhere in the past, some years after she died, I’ve decided to not grant her the pleasure to be bothered by her anymore (lol yes – she being in heaven and watching me: that was the picture) – I was, and obviously still am, that spiteful. I’ve told her many times ‘ha! you’re dead and I am still here and I won’t forgive you – suffer your suffering – I do not want any part of it anymore’.

After she died I was in fear for years of her coming back to haunt me. At one point I did overcome this by being very clear I was tired of her possibly coming to haunt me and stated that she was nothing more than a dead bag of bones and if she insisted on haunting me, ok, but stop keeping me awake. I did put her next to me in my bed, this bag of bones picture and said: now, I’m going to sleep and don’t you dare waking me up!

lol odd story – but that’s how I faced that fear. Wasn’t scared anymore after that.


Ok – taking responsibility: it is not about her, it is about what I have accepted and allowed, starting with this mockery.

lol still feel like snacking – but now I’m just hungry :)

My mother the Demon part 1
My mother the Demon part 2
My mother the Demon part 3 - Finale
The Devil in her Eyes
Saying Goodbye to my Mom

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