30 March 2011

Birthday Unconditionals

box1Oeps. I’m writing out self forgiveness on birthdays gifts presented to me when I was a kid.
I realize for me ‘gifts’ are not something that is just given to me, unconditionally – but something I must deserve.
Probably most of us experience this, as this is what we have been taught to believe; you get gifts because of something you did/are and are refused gifts when you are not acting according to the rules (whatever rules our parents and Santa established for us to follow by ).
As an adult the same principle still applies.
Even when buying something nice for myself I had to make up a reason why I did deserve this gift.
Or when receiving a gift I still am not that comfortable because, yeah hmm, do I actually deserve this gift? A totally automated process – how many of us are able to unconditionally receive? Not that many people are – I know by experience.

In English I’m not sure about the difference between ‘gift’ and ‘present’ – In Dutch ‘gift’ is ‘geschenk’ = something that is given to you. And ‘present’ would be ‘kado’ – less official. As in ‘a heavenly gift’ lol you wouldn’t say ‘a present from heaven’, that would be disrespectful :) But both words have the connotation of ‘for free’ in common – well so not true, for me, because I have to DESERVE the gift, the present – although the person giving it had to pay for it with money, I have to deserve it with being a ‘good person’. Whatever the definition of a good person might be, obviously it will vary due to circumstances, peers, culture, age.
‘Gift’ in Dutch is ‘poison’ btw – that’s what the meaning of ‘gifts’ actually entails because it is never given nor received unconditionally, like nothing in our world is actually ‘for free’ and how could it be different in a world with his roots being money? We poison our children with these conditional gifts, like we poison ourselves with conditions – day in day out.

So how to set myself free to become a true receiver and a true giver? Unconditional is here the key word.
For me: I decide here and now gifts and presents offered by me to another person will be named: unconditionals – whatever I have to offer or give: it will be truly for free – free from conditions.
To actually live this I will have to closely observe myself and every spot of back chat will be examined and self forgiven.
The same goes for receiving gifts – can I receive unconditionally? The back chat will tell me.


Corpses and Coffee Tables

dead wife as coffee table

How about that – having your deceased wife in your living room for a coffee table?

“Jeff Green is a 32 year old American, in Arizona, whose wife passed away. Due to the grief he suffered at her death, he did something totally out of character for a normal and sane person.
He said, “I could no longer take the pain that my wife’s death caused me and so I brought her back home.” He said: I’d rather have her at home than six feet under ground. Lucy had a great sense of humour and I’m sure she would appreciate being my coffee table.”


Well, I would not want to spoil the fun, but really Jeff, is this all she was to you? What is the common sense in holding on to a corps – does this really ease your pain? And if so – how does holding on to a lifeless, non speaking, non laughing corpse ease your pain?


“Jeff ordered a special hermetically sealed glass case that eliminates the decomposition of a dead body. “It cost me about $6,000.00, but it was worth it.” Jeff said.” source


$6,000.00 – nah, that must be true love, isn’t it.

Imagine how many starving people could have been fed with this kind of money – talking about true love…. There’s your true love, so highly appreciated in this world: nothing true about it, just selfish love that let’s you put your dead wife in a glass box to keep you company while drinking your morning coffee.


No way there will be coffee tables like this in a Equal Money World. Let go what is gone, focus on What is Here. Jeff, I suggest you put your money into common sense use: Our world is in big trouble – educate yourself! http://desteni.co.za



29 March 2011

2011 Jewellery of Death

A new gadget sprouted from the Human Conscious System:
turtles and fish locked up in a small plastic container…
“Filled with colored water, each 7-centimeter long key ring encapsulated either one Brazil turtle or two small kingfish, and is filled with “nutrient rich” water, by which vendors claim allow the animals to live for several months. Unfortunately, after your few months are up, you have a carcass key chain.”

Mary Peng, the co-founder of the International Center for Veterinary Services, says that the animals will run out of oxygen and therefore probably die before the so-called nutrients in the water run out.
Rumours are “the cadavers are heated in the microwave for 15 seconds and eaten while enjoying an ice cold beer.” – so nothing goes to waste…
These ‘gadgets’ are fabricated and sold in China and not considered animal abuse – therefor not illegal.
Must be a lot of fun watching the creatures slowly suffocating…
Just another illustration of the fucked-up-ness of the Human Race.
We will not allow these atrocities in an Equal Money – World! All life has a right on a dignified life and not one creature will be sacrificed to the madness of the human – not one!

24 March 2011

Child Abuse: grotesque Dutch Law

There is this loophole in the law about Child Abuse in our Dutch ordainment:

When there is no violence used by penetrating babies, pre-schoolers, kindergarters and pupils, the Law does not consider this to be rape”


Well, wtf – how does one consider penetrating a child that young as not violent?! Penetrating a child is always painful due to the child not being full grown – so how can this NOT be violent, therefor how can this be NOT RAPE?!

So what is violent? Does a child ever say ‘yes, I want you to penetrate me’: I doubt it. Even when it agrees it does not know where it agrees with. Can a 6 month’s old baby even agree, because it cannot speak yet?!

I really don’t understand this  – I think it is criminal to provide sex offenders such a loophole! I consider it criminal to have such a ‘by-pass’ law. It is criminal to have and keep such a loophole – used by attorneys to get paedophiles a lower sentence (or maybe even off the hook) for penetrating children.




There is this major paedophile network ‘rounded up’ here in Holland, revealing the abuse of many, many children in a day care-centre. The attorney of the man accused of child abuse was in a tv show and he told us he wasn’t that sure the child abuser could be charged with rape – because of this loophole in the law…




This is so totally unacceptable… This loophole in Dutch law must be stopped immediately. This is not considering the child – it considers the twisted sick minds of sex freaks. It supports inequality – therefor it is criminal and totally unacceptable.

In a world where Equality for All is the commonly agreed upon starting point – such a loophole in law would not be accepted; sexual abuse would not be accepted in any way whatsoever. Perpetrators of sexual abuse of children, animals, women or men will be considered sick and will be re-educated. Introducing the Equal Money System where children are no longer dependent on a few adults for survival, is the first step on our way to Equality for All.

I am One Vote for World Equality.
I am One Vote for an Equal Money System.
Stop abuse in our world – educate yourself:
Desteni: Equal Money System


Equal Money for All

23 March 2011

Perspectives on Horoscopes - Jack


Within the design of this reality of the unified consciousness field – all beings enslaved to this reality was divided into 12 different groups as 12 different ‘group souls’.
For each ‘group’ was designed a particular/different/’unique’ mind consciousness system personality design.
So throughout all your ‘lives’ here on earth – you’d be ‘born into’ the exact same ‘star sign’ / ‘star constellation’ according to the specific ‘group’ you were allocated to – as you’d be injected into this reality through reincarnations with the exact same mind consciousness system personality design system. So your ‘personality of mind’ life, after life, after life would never change – and this is also why beings always had similar / the exact same – pre-programmed life-design life, after life, after life.

The star constellation design according to the 12 different horoscope construct manifestation within the unified consciousness field of this existence – was programmed to ‘support’ the ‘unique/different/particular’ mind consciousness system personality design of/for each group.
So, for example – human beings within this reality that is of the star sign Taurus for example – all have a ‘unique’ designed mind consciousness system personality system, human beings within this reality that is of the star sign Capricorn has another different ‘unique’ designed mind consciousness system personality system and so forth.

The horoscope construct designed and manifested to enslave human beings within a personality system within the mind consciousness system – to so further division / separation within beings, so if you define you according to an ‘horoscope’ – you’ll limit you to that particular personality – designed system of the mind within and as you.

So – horoscopes at the moment have no significance whatsoever but the belief of value/importance you give it within your own mind.
Though – it is suggested to take each horoscope-design and apply self forgiveness of/for each one – as the 12 different horoscope designs contain the basic ‘foundation’ of personality designs of mind – and you’ll find that each ‘description’ of ‘each horoscope design’ – contain ‘personality attributes’ to which you have defined you of the mind.


21 March 2011

Traffic and Feelers


Self Corrective Statement

  • When and as I see myself participating in the pattern of not trusting myself and my eye sight when in traffic – I stop, I breathe. I realize it is not just my eye sight to rely on when in traffic, but other senses as well: hearing and ‘feelers’ = being aware and being Here. I breathe and investigate how to rely  on my feelers in conjunction with my hearing and eye-sight.

Interesting point here. I am not trusting my eye sight when in traffic – most of the time I feel insecure whether I misjudge the situation or not. I am not that aware of the insecurity because this is what I have been doing for so long. I lost sight in my right eye as a kid. Since then I’ve learned to estimate distances, but it is just that: estimating. I am quite good at it though :) My mom used to warn me often when riding of on my bike to be careful because of my ‘bad eye-sight’.

I started believing I am in danger and a danger when in traffic – more than other ‘normal sighted’ people. Common sense tells me there is truth in it, but now I am not able to distinguish what is actual truth here and what part is merely a belief. Am I overreacting by being that insecure? Of course I do not need to be insecure: I have to investigate where I am ‘over-careful’.

I know I am relying on my hearing for a part, but also on the ‘feelers’, the antenna – but not trusting it. Like a make belief – statement: ah well, I can trust on my antenna and cross the street with eyes closed. Not recommendable lol. So I will be investigating this. How to practical apply this as a certainty and not as a make belief-statement. This is what I can apply as a self-corrective statement at this moment – I will breathe, no, first I will stop – lol – before crossing the street, I breathe and investigate the antenna thing.

10 March 2011

Devil in her eyes

My Mom I feared her because of the Devil in her eyes. I was the only one to see him (I assume – never heard my sisters talking about him) He wasn’t there all the time.

I have been writing out the events I remember with the Devil – starting at age 6. I wondered if this was the first time I saw him, so I muscle communicated and tested out age 2 was the first time. However I have no recollection of the event.
It also tested this is relevant and specific. So how to access this information?
I was surfing the internet for pictures of devilish/demonic eyes – but to none of them I react – no recognition. Maybe it is the coldness, the taunting that scared me the most? I’m sure he was male though, and in a way bigger than my Mom. It scared the hell out of me that the devil was in my mom.
I’ve always thought it was my Mom I feared but after reading Hitler’s childhood story I for a moment considered I did actually witnessed demons inside of her.
But it is still likely it was my Mom herself. lol – is there a difference?
Though the thought of me witnessing actual demons in her scares me more than considering the Devil was my Mom.


Watching this picture it resonates in me – but it is still not exact. Well, never mind then. Back to muscle communication.

First I’ll see if I can picture where and when I for the first time witnessed the devil/demon in her eyes.
  • age: 2
  • when: during day time
  • where: at home, I was alone with her
  • what triggered the event? She hugged me. I made her angry by rejecting her.
A picture coming up now:
I am sitting on the floor; she is standing, bending forward to me. She picks me up, her face close to mine, her eyes piercing into mine – she shakes me quite hard. Her eyes are black and fierce.
I am scared, shocked. It hurts her shaking me that hard. Core point =  big fright because of her eyes. I cry. She throws me on the floor. Her eyes are normal again. She walks away from me.
Ok. Memory bit blurry still, but sufficient to work with.

My mother the Demon part 1
My mother the Demon part 2
My mother the Demon part 3 - Finale
The Devil in her Eyes
Saying Goodbye to my Mom

09 March 2011


Ouch – working on specific details of pictures of the past in relation to my mother… It is tough. These pictures are so old and dusty and yet so vivid once again, because of the specificity of the details I am pushing myself to remember and write out. I really have to push myself hard and not to walk around and watering the plants and stuff :)

I’m taking this moment to share. I am nervous and shaky, but also willing to face. This is intimacy, into me I see and it is like coming home to myself. So cool and frightening at the same time.

At some moments I get almost completely identified with the past event and my experience way back then. I have to remind myself I am the directive force here: this is a picture I can move in freely, in and out. Stepping in, stepping out.


stepping out of minds picture Desteni

dit is wit

07 March 2011

2011 My Dad the Stranger

strangerI was at my sister’s this weekend and there are all these family pictures in the hall way. On my way to the bath room in the corners of my eyes I saw these glimpses of my father. At one point I stopped to examine the pictures of my Dad more closely (like I did so many times before) – I experienced a definite change in my perception of him. Though not neutral yet, I was not upset either, or something like that. I experienced myself as looking at the picture of someone I used to know but who is a stranger to me now. This was kind of odd and a new experience to me – looking at a man who used to be my God and now I was ‘empty’ = hardly any reaction. 
I noticed though the immediate automated reaction of enjoying to watch him and enter ‘the wave of love’ I used to experience – I stopped that within a blink of an eye. Because of the work I did on the mind construct of my Dad I was quick and effortless in identifying the pattern I was about to enter and to stop it.
What is left to examine on a deeper level is the sexual abuse. Last week I did allow the pictures of the event to surface and although still a bit blurry, I am satisfied with it. It is no longer a suppressed and therefor ‘unknown’ experience to me: now I am able to work with it. Step by step – I grant myself the time to take it step by step.

I am not writing this out to blame my Dad. I am not interested in that at all. I am writing to support myself to embrace the experience and all that is the outflow of it. I am not declaring myself to be a victim of sexual abuse. I am not declaring my Dad to be a perpetrator of sexual abuse.  These things happen because of the fucked system we are living. I am not excusing my Dad or myself either. I am trying to see what is. I am constructing a map of what took place and all the corresponding reactions – so I can self forgive and direct myself – instead of being directed and lived by program.
Writing out Mind Constructs is such a great support in unravelling the programming! This is a major part of the DesteniiProces courses.Snapshot of me 7

Besides being participant I am also recruiter in the Desteni-I-Process. For more information you can contact me, click on the logo below or visit the Desteni Website.
family construct, childhood, incest, child abuse, 2011


the end

04 March 2011

Wasting time–no

D j has his holidays so we are out of town for a couple of days – visiting family. I am resisting because I want to stay home and work on my Mind Construct and stuff. I feel it as a waste of time to go out for a couple of days. Obviously Bullshit :)

I’ll have a good time, breathing and reminding myself to be Here. Every moment spent Here is not wasted. Every moment spent in mind is waste. No matter where I am on this Earth.

Had to remind myself Knipogende emoticon

01 March 2011

Fallujah: the fruit of our Money Obsessed World

Iraq: In Fallujah women are publicly advised not to have any babies, no number of years are indicated...fallujah birth defect

Children in Fallujah are being born with limb, head, heart and nervous system defects. There are babies with an eye in the middle of the forehead, the nose on the forehead. There is even a claim that a baby was born with three heads.
The number of heart defects among new born babies is said to be 13 times higher than the rate in Europe.
Doctors and parents in the Iraqi city of Fallujah are blaming this sharp increase in the number of birth defects on the highly sophisticated weapons U.S. troops have used in the city during the war.

Fallujah 3 heads
”We went to a clinic for the disabled, and were given details of dozens upon dozens of cases of children with serious birth defects. One photograph I saw showed a new born baby with three heads.” fallujabirthdefects

This war in Iraq wasn't to bring freedom and democracy – it was to secure the interest the West has in it’s oil resources = money.   

Now, Fallujah is just one out of many many examples of how our greed for money does not regard life - at All. Where atrocities like the above are considered Collateral Damage…
You and me – we are all equally responsible for what happened in Fallujah.
No, you did not drop a bomb, neither did I – but nevertheless we are responsible. Because we participate in the current money system and with that validate a system based on profit, profit and more profit. Where some have it all, and the others have nothing. Where the have-it-all’s bomb the have-not’s - in order to protect their abundance and gain even more.

We propose an Equal Money System – where there will be no more profit to worship and pursuit. Where atrocities as the above will be something of the past – grandparents telling their grandchildren of the ‘gruesome old times’ where children died due to lack of food and health care; where animals were perceived ‘objects’ and tortured to death for fun; where human being were slaves of greed and survival, worshipping their one and only true God: Money… The Barbaric Dark Ages of human existence.
Lets work together in establishing a New World – where money does no longer determine our reality and Life in Dignity for All always comes first.
Educate yourself on the Equal Money System: http://equalmoney.org/ and

PS  Take a look in the mirror - read this blog by an Arab woman.
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