07 March 2011

2011 My Dad the Stranger

strangerI was at my sister’s this weekend and there are all these family pictures in the hall way. On my way to the bath room in the corners of my eyes I saw these glimpses of my father. At one point I stopped to examine the pictures of my Dad more closely (like I did so many times before) – I experienced a definite change in my perception of him. Though not neutral yet, I was not upset either, or something like that. I experienced myself as looking at the picture of someone I used to know but who is a stranger to me now. This was kind of odd and a new experience to me – looking at a man who used to be my God and now I was ‘empty’ = hardly any reaction. 
I noticed though the immediate automated reaction of enjoying to watch him and enter ‘the wave of love’ I used to experience – I stopped that within a blink of an eye. Because of the work I did on the mind construct of my Dad I was quick and effortless in identifying the pattern I was about to enter and to stop it.
What is left to examine on a deeper level is the sexual abuse. Last week I did allow the pictures of the event to surface and although still a bit blurry, I am satisfied with it. It is no longer a suppressed and therefor ‘unknown’ experience to me: now I am able to work with it. Step by step – I grant myself the time to take it step by step.

I am not writing this out to blame my Dad. I am not interested in that at all. I am writing to support myself to embrace the experience and all that is the outflow of it. I am not declaring myself to be a victim of sexual abuse. I am not declaring my Dad to be a perpetrator of sexual abuse.  These things happen because of the fucked system we are living. I am not excusing my Dad or myself either. I am trying to see what is. I am constructing a map of what took place and all the corresponding reactions – so I can self forgive and direct myself – instead of being directed and lived by program.
Writing out Mind Constructs is such a great support in unravelling the programming! This is a major part of the DesteniiProces courses.Snapshot of me 7

Besides being participant I am also recruiter in the Desteni-I-Process. For more information you can contact me, click on the logo below or visit the Desteni Website.
family construct, childhood, incest, child abuse, 2011


the end
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