30 March 2011

Birthday Unconditionals

box1Oeps. I’m writing out self forgiveness on birthdays gifts presented to me when I was a kid.
I realize for me ‘gifts’ are not something that is just given to me, unconditionally – but something I must deserve.
Probably most of us experience this, as this is what we have been taught to believe; you get gifts because of something you did/are and are refused gifts when you are not acting according to the rules (whatever rules our parents and Santa established for us to follow by ).
As an adult the same principle still applies.
Even when buying something nice for myself I had to make up a reason why I did deserve this gift.
Or when receiving a gift I still am not that comfortable because, yeah hmm, do I actually deserve this gift? A totally automated process – how many of us are able to unconditionally receive? Not that many people are – I know by experience.

In English I’m not sure about the difference between ‘gift’ and ‘present’ – In Dutch ‘gift’ is ‘geschenk’ = something that is given to you. And ‘present’ would be ‘kado’ – less official. As in ‘a heavenly gift’ lol you wouldn’t say ‘a present from heaven’, that would be disrespectful :) But both words have the connotation of ‘for free’ in common – well so not true, for me, because I have to DESERVE the gift, the present – although the person giving it had to pay for it with money, I have to deserve it with being a ‘good person’. Whatever the definition of a good person might be, obviously it will vary due to circumstances, peers, culture, age.
‘Gift’ in Dutch is ‘poison’ btw – that’s what the meaning of ‘gifts’ actually entails because it is never given nor received unconditionally, like nothing in our world is actually ‘for free’ and how could it be different in a world with his roots being money? We poison our children with these conditional gifts, like we poison ourselves with conditions – day in day out.

So how to set myself free to become a true receiver and a true giver? Unconditional is here the key word.
For me: I decide here and now gifts and presents offered by me to another person will be named: unconditionals – whatever I have to offer or give: it will be truly for free – free from conditions.
To actually live this I will have to closely observe myself and every spot of back chat will be examined and self forgiven.
The same goes for receiving gifts – can I receive unconditionally? The back chat will tell me.

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