2011 Sexual Abuse–getting used to the idea

This last week I’ve been primarily occupied by the idea of the sexual abuse by my father. I went into ‘speechlessness’ = no words to describe.
I granted myself time to get used to the idea that this might have actual happened.
I’ve read on the internet some stories of people that had been sexual abused in childhood – but that wasn’t of any interest at all to me. You know, everyone is capable of sexual abusing their child, but not my Dad! lol
One of the characteristics of a sexual abused child by the parent – is that of total adoration of the parent. And the absolute need to protect the parent.
Well, that’s me :) My main struggle at the moment is to let go of this strong belief ‘I have to protect my father’ – at all cost. And to see what lies beneath. My adoration of my father, well, that had already diminished over the years, but there is still this strong belief of ‘my father would never ever do such things!’

What will be the layer revealing when I’ve actually let go of protecting?
I suspect anger. There are some flashes of anger coming up – but gone as quick as they came.

  • Amazing how the mind tricks us and makes us belief that events haven't taken place the way they really did. And then the fact that we accept and allow our mind to direct us to such an extent. I'm curious what you are going to find Ingrid. Did you find also stories on internet of sexual abused who couldn't remember the event at all?

  • Survival mode of the child - not able to cope. There is a lot of sexual abuse of children going on: in Holland there are numbers like 1 out of every 3 girls, and boys 1 out of every 5.

    Not remembering, a total blocking out of the event(s) is actually quite common. Only later on in life women start to remember (or having flashes)- at the age of 55 like me, is not that uncommon at all.
    Being sexually abused by more than one person is also not that uncommon (like myself), so I guess some kids are more vulnerable to sexual abuse?

    I have no idea what I will find out, but working on the Mind Construct of me and my Dad is certainly supportive in unfolding.

    I'll write about this being 'totally blank' with regards to sexual abuse later on - this is such an interesting topic.
    Thanks for replying Sylvia :)

  • Hi Ingrid,
    Ik raad je aan om een kinesioloog te bezoeken om je te ondersteunen om door dit punt heen te lopen.

    Jozien

  • Dat is nog helemaal niet zo'n gek idee, Jozien - het zal in ieder geval, of hoogst waarschijnlijk het proces versnellen.
    Ik zal eens rondkijken hier in mijn omgeving voor een goede kinesioloog. Dank je, het was nog niet in me opgekomen lol

  • Me and my 3 brothers were sexually abused when we were children by a friend of the family. I cant remember it at all. My youngest brother has told me some about it but I still cant remember. Ive always thought that I was sexually abused when I was young and I always thought that it might have been my dad because he was physically and mentally abusive to us. Im still not sure that he didnt. I just remember growing up hating for him to touch me, come near me, or just being in the room with him. That "cringe" that you get in the pit of your stomach. The fear of being held down against my will. I dont even like to have sex today because this is always in the back of my mind. When I think of sex I think of abuse, fear, dirty, shame, evil, pain, but never think of the pleasue part....so much work to do on this. My dad is 66 now and not in the greatest of health and sometimes I have the fear of him dying but at the same time a sense of relief.

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