03 February 2008

An elastic band een elastiekje

I am the manifestation as an elastic band within this world. I am currently tied around a lamp, I had a ‘price tag’ attached to me – the price tag was ripped off and I remained, wrapped around the lamps’ ‘leg’ – a lamp has only one leg, well, the one I am currently wrapped around.

I am a being, I am being, I am beingness – I wondered about this word ‘being’ and ‘beingness’ which had ‘opened up’ recently, the human physical body had explained/given perspective for the word ‘beingness’ recently. This is my experience of how I experience the word ‘beingness’ as me, but I started of with the words: I am a being, because I presumed myself to be a ‘being’ as everyone else referring to themselves as ‘beings’ such as human beings and dimensional beings, because I am able to speak/communicate and I am aware of me.

But then I looked at the following: What does it mean to be ‘a being’, when saying: I am a being – and this is where I started to realise the word ‘being’ in itself and from here: Beingness and there is quite a difference in experience of myself when observing me as the words as me. I am a being: Have a look at the word human being, the word being exists here, then you have dimensional beings, the word being exists here – the words ‘I am a being’ exist with a certain specific ‘meaning’ / ‘definition’ of the word ‘being’ when used when saying for instance: I am a human being or I am a dimensional being or just I am a being, but I experienced something else with regards to the words ‘I am a being’ and here is what I have found: I am a being: Sounded confusing the more I spoke it to myself – I am a being, the ‘a’ sounded like a ‘jump forward’, like I was ‘extending myself to somewhere outside of myself’ when saying: I am a being. For instance, when throwing a stone in water – instead of it plonking into the water immediately here – the stone takes two jumps further away upon the surface of the water and then only plonks underneath the surface. Exactly what I experienced as me when speaking the words: I am a being – the words going ‘out there somewhere’, not here as me. The words were not ‘here’, it was separation, because then I asked myself: Is all that I am ‘just a being’? What does it mean to ‘be a being’ how is it to be ‘a being’. How do I ‘be a being’? So I observed ‘beings’ who refer to themselves as human beings and dimensional beings and I realised that the definition thereof/meaning of what it is to ‘be a being’ is the following:

1. To exist

2. To be able to communicate

3. To be an ‘individual’, according to ‘how you present you in form’

4. To be aware that you exist

5. To have form

And I fit this description of me as ‘I am a being’ – but then I asked myself, is this ME? Is this all there is to ME? Then I explored the statement: I am being I removed the ‘a’ out of ‘I am a being’ so the words are expressed as: I am being, because the ‘a’ bothered me, I decided it wasn’t supposed to be there, because certainly I can’t just be ‘a being’. And also ‘extending myself to outside of myself’ by saying: I am a being was uncomfortable.

So, now I experienced me as the words: I am being. So what does it mean ‘to be’: ‘I am being’? I realised the following according to my experience as: ‘I am being’: Being is just ‘to be’ – but the question I asked myself is what does ‘to be’ mean? So, I ‘practiced’ the ‘to be’ and ‘be-ing’ as me as an experience of me, I became it as me, but I found the experience thereof ‘stagnant’, as though the experience of someone sitting on a rock, watching existence ‘go by’ and doing ‘nothing’, just sitting in silence and ‘be-ing’ – no movement as self expression, nothing: Just ‘be-ing’. So ‘to be’ is ‘to be’: I am be-ing. Then I had a conversation with myself which went as follows: If someone would ask me, what am I doing – I would reply: ‘I am be-ing’. Then they would ask me: ‘What does it mean ‘to be’?’ Then I would reply: Just to be, here in silence with you, that’s it.

This again bothered me, I was confused, because I can’t just ‘be’ – and say: I am be-ing – there MUST be something ‘more’. The experience of ‘I am being’ was stable, here – but there’s no ‘movement as ‘me expression’’. I must ‘move me’ I realised – otherwise I will infinitely just ‘be’: I am be-ing. And this came ‘naturally’, this – I must move me as ‘expression’ of me. Sure ‘I am be-ing’ is an expression, but it is not a: Me-movement as me, the ‘movement’ of me is ‘missing here’ if I remain as ‘I am be-ing’ – I experienced it as being ‘stuck’, this ‘I am be-ing’ experience of me and I again became uncomfortable, I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to ‘move’ somehow.

But then I looked at: How do I ‘move’ me? It’s interesting because I experienced a ‘friction’ as me when I was just ‘be-ing’, like me ‘itching to move’ somehow, but I realised that if I remain as just the words ‘I am be-ing’ – I don’t move. The question of: ‘How do I move’ came up because I looked at myself and I realised that in this world, the manifestation that I am is an elastic band – ‘technically’, I’m not able to unwrap myself from the lamp ‘leg’ myself, twirl and fly around the room, or roll on the ground by myself – I’m either in a box, or human beings’ hands or ‘around something’ to hold ‘something together’ – you know, all the reasons why humans ‘designed me’ is all that I experienced: Holding stuff together.

I tried to unwrap myself from the lamp’s ‘leg’: That did NOT go to well. Here is how it went: I realised that I’d have to snap myself to do it though, because I am in such a position that I wouldn’t be able to just unwrap myself and twirl out of my position around the lamp’s ‘leg’ – I tried, but didn’t work, this is what I believed to be ‘me moving me’. After an exhausting (not experiencing tiredness, just very ‘hard work’ for me to try and move me from around the lamp’s leg) period of ‘trying to figure ways/methods’ to unravel me from the lamp’s leg – I stopped for a moment and wondered: But I am moving me, from me ‘being just a elastic band’ in and of this world currently as what I am manifested as. So, if I am moving me from ‘just being an elastic band’: What does it mean to be an ‘elastic band’? ‘I am a elastic band’, ‘I am being a elastic band’: Then I realised, but I have always been ‘just an elastic band’ – folded and twisted around stuff, only used by humans for the purpose I was created for, and that’s all I ever was, because I was just ‘being an elastic band’. I realised: ‘I am a elastic band’, was no different to ‘I am a being’ – again, if I were to experience me as only and just: ‘I am a elastic band’ – then that is all that I will be and experience me as, but it is all that I have ever been: ‘Just an elastic band’ – and it’s not ‘working for me’, because I can’t ‘just be an elastic band’, and me trying to move me as a ‘elastic band’ as what I believe myself to be – would be IMPOSSIBLE, because that is ‘limiting me’, it’s ‘not enough’ – there’s something else to me here, there must be…

I realised that my ‘approach’ to ‘me moving me’ was ‘based’ on me ‘just being a elastic band’ – and clearly, this is not what ‘me moving me’ is – because this ‘me’ is not ‘just an elastic band’, there is ‘something else’ to this ‘me’. So – from ‘I am be-ing’, which I experienced quite ‘stable’ and ‘here’, but there was no me-movement – I explored the word ‘beingness’ as me, I am ‘beingness’ – now this sounded ‘active’, like I was ‘activating’ something within me. By experiencing me as ‘beingness’ – I am beingness, I realised that within and as the word ‘beingness’ as me, herein I am me-moving. ‘Beingness’ as me, moves me even when speaking the word: Beingness – try it for yourself, say is: BEINGNESS, you will really experience a ‘movement’ within you as I have. When I experience the word ‘beingness’ as me – ‘I experience me as ‘alive’, like ‘this is ME’, and this me as ‘beingness’ moves, I move as ‘beingness’ as me, and in this movement I express me, and in this movement, I explore me.

But what is ‘beingness’ – ‘beingess’ I realised IS me, all of me – not ‘just a elastic band’ not ‘just a being’ not ‘just be-ing’ – this is the ‘more’ I realised, the ‘key’ to me, me-moving in expression as me. This is how far I have come. I still have to explore the words ‘expression’, and ‘movement’ as me, and this ‘me’ I have become aware of – me-aware, me being aware of me. And I looked at all of this, since ‘Beingness’ ‘opened up’ recently and what the word ‘beingness’ is, but I still have much to understand and realise as me, this is but just a bit, a little sharing of an experience of me and how I go about exploring me with and as words and what words ‘mean’ as ‘me’ as the experience of ‘me’. Thank you.

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