31 October 2010

MOUSE alert! #1–Musophobia

am working on my extensive fear of mice.
This week I went into the kitchen and picked up a tray and was unexpectedly confronted with two mice underneath it. I froze completely and it seems the mice also because they didn’t move either. I wanted to get rid of the tray in my hands so I could run but couldn’t find a place to put it so I just dropped it (lots of noise at the middle of the night) ran out of the kitchen, closed the door and ran upstairs. This probably all happened in a split second but it seemed to me like minutes.
It was already late so I went to bed – all shivering, heart pounding, 1feeling quite unsafe. I left the lights on, scared the mice would come into my bedroom. The picture of the mouse in my head playing, like a video. I stopped that but then the word mouse, well actually the Dutch word for it –MUIS- came up in my head and that simple word even scared me more than the picture of the 2 mice!
I started self forgiveness on the fear but could not get a word out of my mouth. I realized at that moment self forgiveness was bullshit because of my starting point: I wanted the fear to disappear and was not able to actually correct myself. I was still quite upset. My fear was extensive.
This encounter with the mice in the kitchen was a moment of truth for me. It showed me the true extent of my fear and all other thoughts and beliefs were fake. I actually thought I had overcome most of this fear – NOT. How self deceptive I can be…

started a session on this specific event. The priority point in this encounter and fear is the desire to control. Obviously (to me) a mouse is the ultimate example of a being I can not control. They come into my house through the smallest holes and ‘secretively’ eat and  procreate, and make noise. I would have been less scared when there had been a crocodile in the kitchen! Because a crocodile is big and less secretive and I can close the door and then the crocodile could not have come out! Although the crocodile would have been a real danger (mouse is not life threatening, lol, not at all)

phobia, strong and persistent irrational fear
Musophobia is a fear of mice or rats.
Musophobia is created by the unconscious as a protective mechanism. This mechanism was probably created as some point in the persons past when they had a traumatic experience with a mouse or rat. Examples of this could be having your house or room invaded by them, finding them eating your food, being surprised when they jump from a trash can, touching them while getting up as they run from under furniture, smelling them, or getting sick from them (The Black Plague in Europe was carried by rats). There are hundreds of ways people could have developed their traumatic experience.
This fear could be triggered by the presence of a mouse or rat in a room or store, seeing them on TV or in movies, someone joking about them, or smelling them. These are only a few possible examples. Everyone experiences their fears in different ways and intensity levels and some react in different ways, such as screaming, running to different rooms, and/or getting to higher ground.

Ok, musophobia.
I used to not be able to even look at pictures of mice without experiencing fear, fearing it would come out of the picture :)
This is such a cutie – I do not experience any fear. I like the eyes, ears, whiskers, its small paws… and maybe, maybe I would even like to pet it. For a moment some fear came up – the thought of it moving fast made me react.
mouse416I react more strongly to this picture: it is the sight of his tail and hind legs that make me start breathing more quickly.
I breathe through this fear while watching the tail and hind legs.

t this very moment I hear at least one mouse doing his thing in the kitchen – noises that make me nervous, not at ease with myself in my home. I do not want to wonder whether the mouse is in the living room when I do not hear the noises in the kitchen. I do not want to realize there is more than one mouse, at least two, maybe twenty or more! Ok, I breathe. And breathe a little more :)

do not recall when this phobia started. My mother used to tell me about this particular event when I was still just a baby. She had placed me outside in the garden in my pram, to sleep. My parents had a big dog back then and for some reason the dog was very fond of me and protective. My mom was busy inside the house while I was sleeping in the garden and at one moment she heard the dog furiously barking and there was a lot of turmoil going on. She ran into the garden just in time to see Robbie the dog jumping in the pram, knocking it over, me falling out of it. The dog had seen this big rat climbing in the pram and tried to catch it.
I do not know if this story is true or how much of it is true - my mother liked to 'blow up' things. It is obvious, I do not recall this specific event. And I didn’t take my mothers story very serious either, although it probably happened for real. She also told me I never ever liked the touch of a teddy bear or some toy like that – I started to cry. It is most likely this is when this phobia was activated.

So far making some ‘notes’, some ranting. I actually never made an big issue out this fear for mice – there aren’t that often mice and when they are, I fear, when they are gone, I forget.
Actually: no one takes this fear of mice very seriously – I am not the only person on this planet with this phobia, lots of people do fear mice- people kind of joke about it and tell you must not be such a chicken about it. I do not know why so many people fear such a relative harmless creature. For what purpose such programming exist. Fear of spiders likewise.
Interesting though is this desire for control and what mice represent for me: uncontrollability.

Snapshot of me 7
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...