I have just watched some of the "beauty" video's on YouTube (there are lots of them!): Ann, UnificationNow, Andrew, Jesper...
and about daring to look silly: Diane, Muso ..
We humans are so obsessed by the looks of things, we are judging ourselves and others, non of us really being free of this bullshit.
Most of the time I do not really care about my looks, I am kinda 'messy' appearance. It is not who I am.
But!
That's me talking from within another system - the 'I don't care, I am tough' demon. That's the one that says: 'ah, well, let's just make a video and show how tough I am - I don't care, I am not my looks'
I am directing myself to "I see me' 'I hear me' - and then quite another story pops up: I am scared to expose myself to the world as Who I Really Am. What I really Look Like. Without the masks, naked, not longer anonymously. For all to see and judge I am not perfect.
But!
Yet another mind set speaking - 'I am so open and honest and vulnerable, please don't hurt me!' Many ways to accomplish that, just playing this part. So that's not who I really am either. And I wont waste my time or bandwidth on this one either.
But!
The next one: 'I must be selfhonest and show it!
So this is the loop I am in, ending up doing nothing but worry about it, feeling 'unworthy' to be even on this planet.
Only the thought of me shaving my head and be without my hair, no! I do not want that
will continue later, gotta go
