Push & Withdraw

For the last couple of months I have been more tensed than relaxed. Pushed and withdrawn. Pushing and withdrawing. In an endless loop. Feeling I should direct myself more effectively but unable to. So much for standing up.


The harder I try to direct myself the harder these habit-thoughts pop up. I feel more insecure about myself than I have in years. I guess I am in some kind of wasteland - my mind panicking to get my ass back. And something else pushing me to go further. At the moment both forces are about equal, so I am stuck in this noman's land, not a nice place to be though. My startinppoint here sucks! Noman's or whateverland - I am here, liking it or not, can't change the view, so have to change the viewer.

I am here

I hear me I here me

I see me

I will watch my tree of life video once again - maybe transcribe it, subtitle it, so the words can flow right from my fingertops into my body, me. I am still so judgmental about me, either to harsh or to soft. Pushing or withdrawing :-)

Ingrid

  • Wonderful writing Ingrid! Your brave to do this.. I have not started yet. My excuse is I have so many things to say. I can't begin. Ahh but self forgiveness for using confusion as an excuse.

    I realize now that I have not been relaxed..Hardly ever! I alway had some kind of mind stress going on about something. And these last years after "age" 49 have been very hard as to feeling like all my goals will never happen if they haven't happened by now. So I was getting into a depression. I feel alot better now, as I have been doing the self forgiveness process. I knew for quit a few years now that the mind is a program and not who we are. But I have never found the assistance as offered on Destini with this.
    thanks for your blog..First time I wrote on one!
    Adele

  • Adele I sure can recommend this writingstuff, it's getting things 'above' the mudd :-) I have been postponing also, but when finally started, words are coming from nowhere. I'm writing 5 topics simultaniously - when something comes up I just continue.
    Being 52 years of age I can relate to the things you say - I am glad I am not the only one so we can share and support each other on these specific topics :-)

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