I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret me slipping into this personality suite and blaming myself for it, because I think I should 'know better' and not let it happen. In stead of letting go of control, let it happen, investigate and stop it by SF and corrective application - so I can effectively stop this.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for create this 'very frustrated personality suit. For participating in the mind and this way contributing to all frustration, anger, rage, depression, violence in the unified field.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating this 'hollow feeling in my stomach' kinda like nauseous - this feeling representing all frustration I ever experienced and representing my need to scream, yell, rage, destroy all in my surroundings, like furniture, laptop, but also wanting to kick Dj and the cat - destroying everything - like my 'positivity', my 'lovelyness', my 'niceness', in other words all that I perceive to be 'positive' and replace it for what I perceive to be 'negative' - aaaaaah letting the demon out!
This always happens when I am not in self expression, but in forcing me and everything around me. Getting things done in stead of letting things getting done by itself ( aaah I mean, being in the flow of HERE) I am still in frustration because in the back of my mind is this dissatisfied movement of still wanting TO GET IT DONE NOW!
Forcing, like a dog putting my teeth in something, not letting go before it's done - nah, that's forcing, not flowing. I know the experience of flowing very well while doing things - all goes well, everything is in its 'place' working together, no resistance. So this is me in the frustrated mode (no, actually before that): in resistance - so not flowing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience me as tired now - no energy, wanting to let go of everything, lay down and dwell in 'self pity' and 'depression'. I am in flow, I am flow, flow is me. I am here, now, breathing and facing me as who I am in this very moment.
Bit shaky, shivering in and out, stiff neck (hurts), tears are there behind my eyes.
Very computer related too (although I encounter this in all parts of daily life, but mostly able to stop it) Aaaah, maybe I do stop this, but what am I actually stopping in that moment? There is a layer under this all - the depressed layer when not able to get it done....
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get depressed when not able to force en naar mijn hand zetten of things (and humans also sometimes) to get it done, in stead of stopping it and be HERE and breath, 'relax' and see what needs to be done in that moment.
self forgiveness, Desteni, DesteniiProcess, 2008 - August 14
