A River called Regret (sf)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not stopping myself in the moment before lifting my hand and hitting a child

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not taking self responsibility for my child as me, in stead attempting to hide this regret behind sending them to get an 'education', leaving them in the hands of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sex because of a sudden compulsion manifesting regret as I believe that I have given something or a part of myself away to another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not hearing myself in moments when I experienced uncertainty and doubt and instead of investigating the experience of me in the moment here I 'went along' with events / situations justified as choice - when the truth of the matter is - I didn't self direct me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the current state of this reality, this world as 'ordinary' as 'it's just the way it is' as 'it's always been this way and thus always will be
Not realising that this is just justification - for me regretting not standing up and stopping the cause, the origin of all this = that is me

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realise that in accepting and allowing regret to become me -- I exist as regret and bound to the past --laboriously carrying the burden of the past with and as me -- and in this becoming the past in the present -- creating my future based on the past as the past which I have become -- and so forever continuing my existence of the past as the past in regret -- not allowing me to live HERE


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the moments where I didn't allow myself to give a being a hug, or a touch -- but instead held myself back in and as self-suppression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the moment's I gossiped about another as me -- realising that while doing it -- I wouldn't have it be done unto me, but I am so full of anger and resentment towards myself because of regrets of the past festering within me -- that I would want to deliberately harm another = either emotionally or physically, because the regret, shame and sorrow is so GREAT -- that it cannot be contained within and as me, and so I deliberately take it out on others as me -- because I'm not and didn't stand up and take self responsibility for and as me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret deliberately going into relationships of abuse -- because I so desperately sought love and attention -- and that desperation for the feeling and experience of and as love -- lead be to manifested experiences of actual desperation = the desperation to get out of the experience I lead myself into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the moments wherein I didn't speak or say what was here in self honesty and common sense in the moment -- but instead gave into fear and anxiety -- and when it was too late, the sorrow consumed me -- because I didn't accept or allow me to be self honest with me myself here

I've realised that regret consumes one's very being -- and you become it
I'd suggest -- before the regret becomes so much that it drives you to insanity into the madness of mind -- wherein you will say and do things that wasn't intended -- that has and have had consequential effects -- and only after the act is done or words is spoken -- do you see/realise what you have done = and then it's too late