"The normal reactions to such injury should be anger and pain. Since children in this hurtful kind of environment are forbidden to express their anger, however, and since it would be unbearable to experience their pain all alone, they are compelled to suppress their feelings, repress all memory of the trauma, and idealize those guilty of the abuse. Later they will have no memory of what was done to them."
Alice Miller
...and idealize those guilty of the abuse...
In a way this is how I still participate in this world - always protecting the ones that did me 'wrong', finding excuses and reasons why they behave the way they do, so it will hurt less. Still wanting it to be my 'fault'...
