Me & Money

Me and Money - strange relationship I have with money. I used to think I didn't have a relationship at all, I liked to think that :) Because I don't like what money is doing to people (and to me). I have a strong opinion about that.
Somewhere in the past I established my reality regarding money - I was sure I would always have enough. And so far I did. In a way there was always money coming my way - never asked for it, it just came. Never much, because I don't want to have too much money. Just enough to feel safe in this world.
The moments I had more money than I needed, I got unhappy - I became 'greedy', wanted more and got worried about it. Could lose it. Was unhappy. So I made sure to get rid of it as soon as possible. Not really difficult to accomplish btw :) money

So here I am, faced with my 'divorcee relationship' with money. Not free, imprisoned in the fear that seems to come along with the money subject. And projecting this on the world.

Now, what I want is a neutral attitude towards money. Using it as a tool, nothing more, nothing less, nothing attached to it. No feelings, emotions, thoughts whatsoever. So I will direct myself in letting go of all my perspectives on money, so I will be free to use money as a tool for whatever I want.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to fear money. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to judge the feelings of greed, of competition, of sorrow, of 'never enough', of separation that arises when I am faced with the subject of earning more money than I need. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to have a feeling of incompetence when faced with the subject of earning money. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to separate me and money. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to judge money in itself for being 'evil' instead of acknowledging that it is just paper and that it is what people are doing with it, is the problem. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to judge what people do with money as 'the problem'. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to judge what I am doing or not doing with money as 'a problem'. What I do or don't with money is just what it is. I do not judge what I do or don't with money as good or bad, it just 'is what it is'. I am what I am, I do not judge what I do or don't, it just 'is what it is'. Money is not the root of all evil, the mind is. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to judge the mind as the root of all evil. Mind is just what it is. Money is just what it is. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to judge anything or anyone, and thus separate myself from anything and anyone.


I feel resistance to let go of my reality that I will always have enough money. I am afraid I will starve or get in debt and so on. I am afraid that if I let go of this creation a deep black gap will open up and swallow me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to fear having no money so I will starve. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to fear having no money so I will have to watch my son starve. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to fear having no money so the cats will starve. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to fear not being able to survive. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to feel the need to escape these feelings of fear by stopping this SF and by seeking distraction. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to fear not being able to survive because of being too old to prostitute myself so I would be able to survive. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself for fearing to have no money to go to the vets when Bobbie would get ill, and I would have to watch him suffer, not able to do something to stop his suffering. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to fear watching Bobbie suffer. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting from myself to state I am too old to earn money in a easy way.

I will not starve because I will always have food. No, this isn't cool, self dishonest, still experiencing fear, so my starting point isn't 'clean' yet.

  • Money has been one my greatest teachers (or should I say the lack of). Me and my ideas of what should be done with money have left me with expectations of the "future". I had to realize money does not exist in the future and that is where I have been looking for it. So instead of believing my thoughts/actions are dictated by money, I now see my money is dictated by my thoughts/actions.

  • Yeah, Raja, that's what I want for me now - me directing money.
    I didn't think money was an issue for me,not needing it , but now I see that this is a dishonest starting point: fear.

    I fear to have money and I fear to not have it - so I am living in a kind of compromise with it, a truce :)

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