29 May 2008

Worrying loop

Somewhere in the last few days (or maybe before) I lost myself in 'worrying' - at first only occasionally, but by not paying attention to it and therefore not directing myself - I am in this loop now - the worrying loop.

I am worrying myself with what terrible things could happen to Dj, to the cats - allowing many pictures in my head, movies, where they are overrun by cars, drowning in the swimmingpool, Dj getting kidnapped and abused/killed, cats getting poisened, the 'puppy'birds in the nest in my garden being killed by the cats etc. Dj getting very ill and dying. These movies pop up in my head and terrify me...

And then there is the future picture of what 'happens' with me when Dj should be gone - can I survive it/ do I want to/how would I manage that?

I can see Dj is my lifeline - without him I would drown/get lost in this world. How would I, could I go on living without him?

will continue later

hahahaha, was reading on the forum and here's a quote from B:

"so be not concerned-if you are HERE-you are not dead yet "

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