choice is fake

Last night in bed, I came to realise that there is indeed no other choice than to be HERE, in the body just breathing...

Life is getting more and more 'tough' for me and I see myself getting entangled in all kinds of fear or just FEAR. For many things. For me dying, for Dj dying, for Dj getting blind, for me getting blind, for not feeling able to cope with all these things Dj is manifesting...
Yesterday I felt I could easily fall in the trap of depression - a way out of me not feeling capable of dealing with all this compounding shit. My compounding shit. Dj's compounding shit.
I will not allow myself to go for that seemingly easy way out, though it is a bit tempting :) No more responsibility for my responsability.

So last night in bed I saw I had only one option left - just be here breathing.

Actually not a choice - all the choices I create constantly in my head are solutions to patch up the situation, not really solving anything, just ways to cope with it, to survive.

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