2008 Maybe I can be trusted after all :)
Now I know what to do, now I understand: scripting myself. Haa, it's like a veil has come off my head or whatever. Directing myself. Do sf on whatever comes up. Creating. Deleting. Creating.
Early this morning I woke up, sexually aroused, but still very sleepy - maybe I dreamt, I can't remember - anyway, I started masturbating, just a second or two and then I realised what I was doing and immediately stated I didn't want to feed this unified field and stopped. Felt asleep rightaway. So cool! I forgot about it but reading on the forum tonight I suddenly remembered - now I am so glad: I did direct myself, I moved me! These last months, well, I didn't experience that much change, that much movement. But this night I proved myself I can be trusted! I was very sleepy but did direct myself without any effort, just from within.