SELF FORGIVENESS’S TO DO WITH YOU ALONE, ALSO PLACING DJ WITHIN AND AS YOU:
(Understand that some of these self forgiveness’s may sound ‘strange’ and may also bring up some reactions – whenever a reaction is experiences, apply self forgiveness for the reaction experienced towards the self forgiveness itself for effectiveness and specificity in assisting and supporting self)
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Dj will fulfill me – instead of realising fulfillment is here as me in every moment of breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Dj will complete me – instead of realising completeness is me as who I am here in self honesty in every moment of breath
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Dj will fulfill and complete the loss I experienced within me, the loneliness I experienced within me and the emptiness I experienced within me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that loss, loneliness and emptiness only exist within the mind – and that only the mind requires relationships in separation of self towards someone or something to be ‘whole’ within itself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have Dj to fill the empty space of nothingness and depression I experienced within me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give myself love, by loving me unconditionally – but expect someone else to give it to me, to be it for me
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give myself joy by realising joy is me as who I am here in every moment of me – but expect someone else to give it to me, to be it for me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have Dj because I feared being alone, feared growing old alone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being an adequate parent
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good enough as a parent, as a mother
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘always want the best for Dj’ but from a starting point of defining ‘the best’ as ‘perfect school, enough food, exceptional home and clothing, toys as entertainment’ which I defined as being me ‘showing him that I love him and care for him’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love and care as ‘providing him will all that he needs’ – instead of realising that self expression as love is who I am with him in gratefulness of him as me and assisting and supporting him as ‘who he is’ as me within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionally loving Dj, because I fear losing him – so, I hold myself back to not be open and vulnerable and intimate with him, through fear of losing him
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define love and joy according to and towards Dj – causing a rift within him and within me, to not have either of us experience joy or love as self in self expression – because I defined love and joy as Dj, expecting him to ‘be that for me’, which cause him try/attempt to ‘live upto my expectations’ – instead of him living for him
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of Dj as how I want him to be according to how I raise him
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to trust me as Dj that he will be ‘who he is’ – unconditionally within this world, but I have to ‘shape and condition and mould’ him to be ‘how he should be’ within this world as a parent should train and teach a child – because he’s not able to be himself within his individual self expression within this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Dj according to and as ‘that which I have been missing all my life’ – instead of realising that I have been missing me all my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing in being parent, in being a mother
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior and superior towards Dj
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving this world before Dj does and fearing what would happen to him if I were to leave before he does, instead of enjoying every moment here with him as me – no past, present or future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think: who would Dj be without me – thinking/believing that he needs me to define ‘who he is’ – herein, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and need Dj to define who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Dj loving someone else more than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want Dj to always remain a child, so that I can take care of him and love him – so that he doesn’t have to leave one day and leave me alone with myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified of being alone with myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified of facing the inner demons of the past within and as me – the skeletons in the closet
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to my own expectations of me as how a mother should be, of how a parent should be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting Dj in’ – through fear of losing him and through fear of having to experience the pain within me of maybe/possibly losing him
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think: I cannot live without Dj – Dj is in me as me – one and equal
Alright Ingrid – here’s some self forgiveness’s to start with – will add as we continue.
