15 June 2008

Blank Page

"Survival - the name of the game in existence. I realised that I had become a demon only because I believed that I had to survive.

I took drastic measures - I secluded myself from the rest of the demons in the demon dimension. Most of the demons usually moved in groups, occasionally you'd find some that move alone. I secluded myself because I 'erased' all the knowledge and information given to me by the rest of the demons in the demon dimension - everything. I erased all my actions and becoming as demon which I accepted and believed - I placed myself back at the beginning when I first entered the demon dimension. I had to seclude myself from the rest of the demons in the demon dimension, having no communication with them whatsoever, not allowing any of them near me, if I were to find the answers to my questions; I had to stand completely and totally alone.

In this aloneness, I discovered something fascinating: That I had become and experienced the beliefs I followed and accepted of the other demons. For instance the necessity to 'feed' and 'drink' off other human beings' energetic source when I started experiencing myself as being 'weak' or 'depleted': I asked myself a few simple questions: Why was I experiencing myself as being 'weak' or 'depleted'? Where does this experience come from? Is this me experiencing myself as being 'weak' or 'depleted' or am I creating this? If so, how am I creating this? Am I subject to this experience of 'weakness' and 'depletion'? Have I defined who I am according to an experience within me that just happened to be here, which I had come to accept as being 'normal' because all the other demons were experiencing it? Do I only experience this because I have defined myself as being a demon and why do all the other dimensional beings in the higher dimensional planes not experience what we as demons were experiencing? They are surviving without the dependency of energetic source provided by humans on earth - how is that possible? What is the difference between demons and dimensional beings existing in the higher dimensional planes? Where is the difference between demons and dimensional beings existing in the higher dimensional planes?

What I realised through answering the questions for myself was the following: The experience of being 'weak' or 'depleted', having to drink the energetic source provided by humans was through an idea/belief I had - which I accepted as myself, as part of my existence through believing the knowledge and information given to me by other demons. When I experienced myself as being 'weak' or 'depleted' I merely spoke the words loudly: (I said this totally, completely, with absolute conviction and certainty that the sound of my words vibrated within and throughout my entire being). I am not weak. I am not depleted. I am not accepting myself to be weak or depleted. I am not allowing myself to believe that I am subject to the experience of being 'weak' or 'depleted'. I am not allowing myself to be subject to the idea or belief that I am dependant on the energetic source provided by humans to survive. I will not be a slave to something separate from myself to be able to experience myself. I am not this weakness I experience. I am not this depletion I experience. I am not this belief or idea that I am weak or depleting when I do not drink and feed off of humans' energy source.

And so I did this with everything I experienced as myself as demon. All the knowledge and information I had gathered from the other demons and that I used to define myself as, and experienced myself as, as an accepted and allowed existence as demon. This is how you challenge yourself Rots.

What did I give up: Everything of who and what I had become as demon. Everything I had accepted and allowed myself to become as demon. Everything I experienced myself as, as a demon. Until nothing remained - until I experienced myself as just being present - nothing else - no information and knowledge - I was like a blank page in existence. And when I did this - the 'hunger' and the 'yearning' and experiences of 'weakness' and 'depletion' disappeared - it existed within me no more. I was silent, I was constant - there was nothing, yet everything within me. I realised that I am just present. Everything I had experienced, learned and known was still within me, yet it didn't control who I am - it didn't define who I am any longer. What do I mean exactly when I say that it didn't control and define who I am any longer? The moment I believed the idea that I had to feed off the energy source provided by humans - I defined myself according to this belief and idea, because it manifested as an experience within me. When I defined myself according to being weak or depleted from not having been feeding off the energetic source - I actually experienced that idea/belief in my existence as demon. The moment I stood up and did not accept or allow such a belief within me, or my existence, the experience disappeared within me - the control the self defined belief/idea had no power of me any longer. It doesn't mean that I become a zombie - standing there as blank as the blank page I experienced myself - no. I realised that everything exists within me, as me, as one with who I am. I was not defined or limited to the idea/belief of myself as demon only, or the idea or belief that I am required to survive by feeding off of humans' energy source. When this limited existence of survival within me disappeared - I was present. Who I am was present - I was no longer controlled or limited by my own existence as a demon."

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