My creation is knocking at my backdoor...
For the last couple of days this blackness, darkness is revealing in me, more and more undeniably. Always been a 'positive' person, focussing on 'light' - so now the 'dark' is claiming his part.
I know this light-dark is the polarity I created in me for most of my life - clinging to the positive, the hope, the seeing something good in all and everything: is a survival skill for me. The 'dark', no room for that.
Now the dark hole wants to be seen, embraced by me - but I'm scared! By repressing it, it has become a HUGE black hole - that wants to suck me in his dark: no hope, just despair, no backdoors no escape...
I know this is thought originated, but it seems so real! A big scary hole that will trap me - drag me into this place where there is no escape, no divertion, no reason, no point in living, no point in dying, just no point, no reason at all. And that scares me.
So I have to face this.
I watched myself suppressing it - in a subtle way by 'observing' me suppressing it - acknowledging it is thought, picture...
Truth is I do not really want to embrace it, 'welcome it home by unconditionally embracing it as part of my creation'. Embracing it = be one and equal with it. Stop separating me from it by 'taking it in me again' = experiencing this part of me.
