D was joking:" mama, mama, you've got alot to learn still"
He is right - be it I've got alot to unlearn.
I've told him he can call me by my first name, Ingrid, if he likes, but he doesn't want to. Got me thinking - in Dutch we use 'U' for persons that are 'wiser', well, actually 'older' as a sign of respect for them being older (not wiser, though one likes to think that because of age one 'knows' more and that's correct, but not a reason to pay respect, because we're talking knowledge not 'living'. We should start to adress the little children as 'U' cause they are the ones still closer to the key.)
In English there is no equivalent to the Dutch 'U' - everone is a 'you'.
I was raised to address all older persons as a 'U' - my parents insisted on being called a 'U', generating and consolidating the gap and belief in a gap between the child and the parent, the child and adults. I was taught adults know it all. Being an adult for so long now, I can tell: adults know nothing.
why did I teach Dj to call me 'mama'? To accentuate our special relationship. To show I am not just another adult, but a special one. To show I am not just a friend, but a special friend. I did think it over. It was popular at the time to let children use their parents first name and I didn't like it. Still don't. But I see the 'specialness' has to go. I am just another adult. Dj is just another child. No, not 'just another'. I am an adult, Dj is a kid. We both are humans. We live together in a house, we share our last name. I would like to live 'an agreement', in agreement (is there a difference - to me the second one sounds more like a truce). But how? For a starters I am loosening up my mind by thinking of Dj as my brother, not my son. Playing with the constructs.
Just writing my random thoughts. Letting them out on 'paper' so I don't have to remember them - can stop repeating them:)