27 June 2008

do not do to others what you do not want to be done to yourself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live by this rule, any rule for that matter. NO! I do not want to let go of this: if anything judged by me as being totally, completely RIGHT it is this:

do not do to others what you do not want to be done to yourself

It is utterly selfdishonest to live by this rule, by any rule. Now I am walking around the house, brushing my teeth, getting ready for 'babysitting' this neighbourhood kid. I am nervous, excited, not stable at all (obvious). Am I here?

some time later
So, calmed down a bit. It is not about the rule itself - it is about the fact that it is a rule - that's what I have to let go of. Living by a rule is not expression. I have been holding on to this as a rule to guide me through 'social life' (social life = being with other human beings), leaving no room for rudeness, anger, irrationality, judgment, leaving no room for ME.
I do not want to be treated with rudeness. I do not want to be addressed with anger. I do not want to be judged. I do not want to deal with irrationality. I do not want to be 'bossed'. I do not want to be accused. I do not want to be falsely accused. I do want other humans to take responsibility for what they do or did. I do not want other people to be dishonest with me.

A long list, there will be lots of items to write down. All have to be forgiven. All the opposites have to be forgiven. All polarity. Oh man, polarity, I am all polarity, everyone is all polarity, the world is polarity. All these things I am NOT. And YES I am.

So, in order to live by this rule, I cannot allow myself to be rude, irrational, angry, judgmental - these things keep popping up, so haven't been effective in applied sf, not effective in applying at all. Noticed myself being more direct though with other people, but still not willing (daring) to say aloud what I see.

What happens to me when being addressed with rudeness? I do react, that's for sure. I am not that often treated with rudeness, I made sure of that by being friendly, polite etc myself. But when it happened in the past I was so confused, so out of balance. How could this person be so rude - he doesn't know me at all. I do not deserve to be treated that way, oh my, I hate this world, this man. And then I surely would have liked to kill this person :)
Nowadays I am not that much affected anymore - I acknowledge this rudeness has nothing to do with me, it is this person being rude for whatever reason, I don't care. Or I simply state: I will not allow you to be rude to me. So nothing happens. I am not 'knocked of my socks' anymore. So does this imply I can be rude now? No, obviously not. Yeah, I can be rude, I can even give myself permission to be rude (not without an effort - still keeping the control, so not freely expressing myself in rudeness)Rudeness, rootness. Aah, but still projecting my own hurt when addressed with rudeness on other beings - I assume they are hurt by my rudeness. Are they? Should it matter to me? No, it should not, it does not. It is of no importance at all, because it is of the mind. The mind is rude, even when being very nice - all the same rootness: separation of self.

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